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We teach others how to treat us

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anger (for Kiriakos Korakis-korax67) :)
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Having come from a family of much dysfunction: addiction, rage, depression, etc., I understand first hand the experience that comes from feelings of hopeless desperation.

The insanity in my own life did not begin to diminish until I started noticing, and taking responsibility for, the way I interacted with others, until I recognized that my reactions to life were, in fact, a main cause of the pain I felt. Ultimately I had to realize that I was the author of my own pain; I had to see that my unhappiness was not caused by my life circumstances, but that I alone, me and my rhoughts, were the cause of my misery.

I think the first big realization for most of us as we begin to walk the path out of victim consciousness is this: Others do not cause my pain. The way I think about others does.

This basic truth applies to all situations in life. Understanding and practicing this basic truth in all our relations changes our whole style of interaction. It is a truth based on a simple, yet profound guiding principle which is this: the world is a mirror.

Yes, I mean literally. The sole job of the world outside of us, that which we think of as ‘external reality,’ is to reflect the universal mind that is us. This is true on the personal as well as on the collective level.

Here’s how it works:

We manifest what we believe in life. Whatever we believe we come to expect, we attract what we believe by the way we think, feel and act.

Take the example of an abusive relationship for instance:

There is a saying I use often; it goes, “we teach people how to treat us.”

That means that whatever we believe we deserve (not what we deserve, but what we think we deserve), is what we unconsciously look for and attract from others.

When we believe we are undeserving, unlovable, unappreciated, etc, we feel and act as if that’s true. In doing so, we inadvertently act in ways that send cues to others about how we expect to be treated. In other words, they learn to treat us the way we treat ourselves. That is, they mirror, or reflect to us the nature of our relationship with ourself.

Blessings,

Lynne

The Story of A Face; Part One

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I often think of the physical body as being a laboratory for the work of transforming our minds. The two, body and mind, are intrinsically connected. It seems pretty obvious that, if the world is a mirror, the body would be one too! How could the body and mind not be connected?

In my research, I have found that many of our beliefs are housed in our body. I have verified this personally as well as through my work with clients over the years. Beliefs become cellular imprints that can twist the body like a pretzel in reflecting the limiting beliefs held by the mind.

Realizing the truth of the preceding statement through my own body, I devote some part of my daily practice everyday to exploring the painful places in my body to find and question the unhappy stories I hold there.

Recently I had a vivid experience illustrating just how powerful a role my own mind plays in shaping my physical appearance and I want to share it with you.

I received an email attachment with some photo’s that were taken of me at the qigong training event I attended this past September (2010). Below is one of the photos that when I first saw it stopped me in my tracks. What put me on pause was the dramatic contrast between the two sides of my face that was so immediately apparent. The difference between the right and left sides of my face stood out anyway, but the difference was even more dramatic when I covered one side or the other.

As one of my students commented when I pointed out the sharp contrast to her, “the two sides seen separately look like ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures!

One side of my face indeed does appear decidedly more aged than the other.

I was puzzled. What could the significance be for such physical phenomena? My understanding of the law of cause and effect helped me to know better than to think that my facial contrast was coincidental. So I decided to explore it further during my next daily practice.

I started my practice by reflecting on what I knew about the two halves of the brain (not much :)). I thought about the separate functions of the right hemisphere of the brain versus the left hemisphere of the brain, about how the left side of the brain is the reductionistic, concretistic, analytical and what I think of as ego-driven side of the brain. While the right side of the brain is the intuitive, inner connected, and more free flowing side of the brain.

It is the left side of my face that appears older, more stressed. (See photo below) That side of my face would be under the control of my left brain (not until below the neck does the control switch over so that the left brain controls the right side of trunk & limbs and vice-versa) I think of it as that side of the brain that houses my limiting definitions of myself.

Suddenly I got it. The limiting beliefs that were being reflected in the left side of my face are the stories I carry about the agonies of old age, and my fear of death! That side of my face reflects such beliefs as,”I am getting old … I’m an old woman who is growing more and more infirm with each passing day,” etc.

As I continued to reflect I started getting glimpses of how my body responds, how I see myself, and how I respond to the world, when I believe such life limiting thoughts as those mentioned above. And then I asked myself what might be different if I didn’t believe those thoughts (See Byron Katie’s inquiry process)

And then I thought about the other side, the more youthful version, of my face. I saw it in my minds eye as almost luminous, so gleaming was it with light, health, and vigor. It occurred to me that it is is ruled by that in me that questions my limiting beliefs and that no longer blindly believes everything it thinks. It is the right side of my face, ruled by the right brain, the hemisphere that houses our intuitive understanding of our innate connection with Source. For me it reflects that in me that does not blindly buy the story that I am getting old.

I closed my eyes and could feel the difference internally between these two opposing hemisphere; my right side felt relaxed and open with warm energy flowing freely through its energy channels (meridians). The left side of my face, on the other hand, felt blocked and dense. I made the connection suddenly with understanding the significance of my perpetually blocked sinuses on that side of my face! The energetic pathways were blocked by negative, limiting beliefs!

I began to visualize light coursing through the meridians in my face, moving freely from one side of my face to the other. As I visualized the light moving into my left side I felt a sort of popping in my sinus cavity on the left side. I questioned my stories about aging with questions like, “Do you know absolutely that you are old and infirm?

I suddenly caught a vivid glimpse of reality. I saw me as I am presently, strong and firmly rooted, toned and aligned, standing open and connected to the Source of everything that is – the Source of my being and life vitality. Everyday now, I visualize light flowing into my face, clearing blockage and old story that otherwise etches itself into my face.

Interestingly enough, one of my team members took a few pictures of me just a week or two after the first set of photos were taken … Below is one of those. Is it possible that the light and story clearing work I’ve been doing it already making a difference? You decide.:)

Seeking Thoughts That Generate Peace Instead of Pain

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In life, pain is inevitable, the suffering is optional...
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I believe that to move out of victim consciousness, we must replace our old way of looking at the world with a set of guiding principles that provides a more healing framework for understanding the terrible things we go through.

Since I see the world as a mirror, I trust that those people who act destructively towards others will reap the full harvest of their acts – on some level they will experience that which they have done to others. It is the way it works, and certainly, I might report them, or move away from them as part of taking better care of myself.

As someone who has endured a childhood of “bad”/hurtful things at the hands of others, (and benefitted from years of therapy, as a result) I simply came to realize that the kindest, most effective and healing thing I could possibly do for myself was to move into a space of self-love. I noticed that it was not kind nor loving to me to see myself as a victim of abuse.

I am NOT saying that I denied what happened to me – I simply realized that I would be much better off if I could understand the painful events in my life in a way that left me feeling peaceful, rather than left feeling hurt, anger and betrayed. Such negative emotional states, I recognized, did not serve me well – and once I discovered that it was my thoughts that created my emotional state and not external circumstances, I began to invest my thinking in thoughts that were healing, rather than perpetuating thoughts that left me feeling hurt and angry.

Our Beliefs Determine Our Life Experience

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I, gemini
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When we hold beliefs that leave us doubting that we can have what we want, we create feelings of separation within us. We set ourselves apart from the world of abundance with an expectation of lack, scarcity, thwarted dreams and goals. The result is a harvest of outcomes that validate the limitation we believe in and expect.

If we believe, for instance, that someone is mistreating us, we immediately withdraw from, judge, condemn, and/or negate that person.

“Of course!” you say, “who wouldn’t? If someone mistreats me, it’s only natural that I would pull away.”

True enough. There are certain situations that require physical distance, especially from someone who appears to be hell-bent on destruction.

Nonetheless, the question begs to be asked, “How does my reaction, founded on an expectation of abuse, perpetuate the abuse cycle? In other words, “What is my part in this situation?”

Upon investigation, we may recognize certain feelings are generated that go along with the thought, “I am being mistreated.” Such a belief prompts feelings of distrust and paranoia. Believing it, we not only feel alienated from others, but we feel alienated from our selves, our essential loving nature, and Source.

How do you think such negative feelings, of paranoia and distrust, influences our reaction towards the person we accuse of mistreating us? Does our behavior when we believe the thought reinforce, even perpetuate the abuse?

I know you’re probably thinking, “But Lynne, the reason I am paranoid and distrustful of that person is because of my past experience with them! They have earned my paranoia & distrust!”

Possibly. Except for one thing. And that is the reminder of a universal principle that teaches,

“The world is always, and only, a mirror. There are no accidents, no mistakes, no coincidences. What we experience in our lives can only reflect our innermost dynamics.”

In other words, the belief comes first – always. What we encounter in our lives, the people and every situation we experience, can only be a mirror image of what we believe.

The good news is that the solution is always simple. It is always the same answer, no matter the problem. The answer is that we must change our mind by challenging the belief. When we address the problem at belief level we are tackling it at it’s point of origin. Dealing with the root belief causes the external problem to disappear.

Blessings, Lynne

Not The World, But Our Thoughts Cause Our Suffering

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Is there anybody out there?
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I understand the dilemma created when we believe in an unkind and unjust world. I too once saw the world through a similar lens and experienced the repercussions of believing such scary thoughts.

There IS a shift in perception that is necessary and does happen (gradually for some, more quickly for others) as we seriously commit to the work of taking responsibility for our thoughts. This necessary shift moves us from a place of distrust and its accompanying anxiety and need to control to a place of accepting that the Universe is innately good and kind.

To help us facilitate that shift, it is important to remember that blindly believing scary, painful thoughts is the primary cause of all of our suffering, NOT our life circumstances. We are not at the mercy of the world! To think so is ultimate victimhood!

The world is perfectly designed to be a mirror reflecting to us our beliefs. We think a painful or scary thought (“I am not safe.”) and then project it out onto the world. Now we see evidence for what we believe everywhere, having no idea that we are unconsciously looking for evidence to support only what we believe and ignoring anything that might prove otherwise. Believing what we think causes us to behave as if its true and before you know it we have managed to gather all the evidence we need to prove it.

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