As long as we believe thoughts like; “They did it to me”, we will be stuck in a story that produces suffering. Seeing the world through a lens of what others have done to us is a primary characteristic of victimhood (see “Faces of Victim“). The ego is that part of us that sees the world through the victim lens. Believing that others can cause us pain is misaligned thinking. No one can cause us pain except ourselves. It is only our perception or interpretation of the words and deeds of others that cause our misery -not their actions. Even if they intend us harm, only if we believe their efforts, can they actually succeed.
The ego cannot understand this – does not WANT to understand this concept. It retorts to statements such as these with thoughts like, “But they DID say and do those bad things to me!- Are you trying to tell me that it didn’t really happen?” No, I’m not saying people don’t lie, steal or leave us for another. I am saying what they do is what they do … it is only in believing my own painful thoughts about these things that I make their behavior about me. They cannot do these things “at” or “to” me. But I can do these things to myself by taking on the belief that I am their victim. “My husband told me he hates me”, “My boss lied to me”, “My friend stole from me.” -People do what they do out of their own distorted beliefs. Why would I choose to make these about me?
There is a perspective that is free of victim mentality. It is one that not only accepts Reality, but trusts that what happens is what “should” happen. This is a concept that brings us into alignment with life as it is.
If our lover leaves us for another… we can choose to trust that it was time for him to go. Obviously, he was not for us – he’s gone. We’ve been set free! It’s only by attaching belief to painful thoughts that we resist the reality of what is and suffer.