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Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle

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Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves?

As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I move through all three roles on the victim triangle in relating to myself

The very thought, “I should be different than I am” is a way of persecuting myself. With tht thought comes the implication that who I am is not good enough or that there is something wrong with me. Hurling unkind accusations at myself of not being good enough, of being a failure, of being unacceptable to Source, is me as persecutor on the triangle and leaves me feeling beat down and victimized by my own mental cruelty.

Immediately, automatically, as soon as I persecute by accusing and belittling myself, I become my own victim.

As a victim of myself I suffer and eagerly seek relief. I long to escape from my own unkindness. I am in need of a rescue. And so I look for ways to rescue myself.

Usually my self-rescue comes in one of two ways: either I adopt a rigorous self-improvement scheme, designed to “fix me,” and bring me up to code, OR, (usually when that fails to work) I fall completely off the “self-refinement wagon” and resort to the practice of some kind of mind-numbing activity, or habit, like bingeing on sweets, or going on a shopping spree, or, in times past, by using alcohol or drugs to ease the pain caused by my own relentless tirade against myself.

When all else fails I resort to rescuing me by persecuting you. I project my faults and all the things I find unacceptable about me onto you and then berate you for them! That way, it not only takes the heat off of me, it also leaves me feeling superior to you. Ahhhh … the bitter sweetness of such a rescue!

The truth may very well be that all victim triangles start at home; they originate within our own minds by the way we treat ourselves. Therefore self-forgiveness is essential if we are ever to escape victim consciousness.

Read my book, Guiding Principles For Life Beyond Victim Consciousness for detailed instruction on moving off the victim triangle.

Blessings, Lynne

the-universal-limiting-core-belief-from-which-all-humans-suffer

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yoga sunset
 photo credit: stevensimbox

I had an encounter with Source recently that literally brought me to my knees. I arrived home late after a long day of work with much on my mind. I was eager to get home to where I could sit down and sort through my thoughts with my husband, Daniel. Apparently, however the Universe had other plans for me that evening because when I got home Daniel’s car was gone. Inside I found a note from him saying he wouldn’t be home until late that evening.

My first reaction was to throw a mini temper-tantrum inside my own mind about how “he’s never around when I need him,” but I questioned that negative thought and quickly brought myself back to reality where it occurred to me that perhaps Source wanted to speak to me alone, with no outside interference for the evening.

So I got myself settled in at home and then headed to the water-garden out back while there was still enough daylight to see the late summer sky and listen to the birds and katydids. I slowly began to stretch and unwind my body through a series of standing yoga poses, all the time asking for clarity on the mental angst I was in the midst of.

Standing with my arms above my head in an uplifted version of Tadasana (standing mountain pose) I suddenly started receiving vivid images of myself. Snapshots taken of myself over previous and most recent days cascaded into my awareness to powerfully illustrate exactly how I'd been causing my internal angst.

I saw vivid examples of how I had been creating misery for myself by demanding myself to be different. I realized that I had been falling for what I’ve since come to call “the universal-limiting-core-belief-from-which-all-humans-suffer”; this one belief, it seems to me, is the one that we are all addicted to in one way or another.

To believe on any level that “I (it, they, he, she, we, life) should be different” is to fly in the face of reality, to set up war against the way things are, and therefore can only bring grief, disappointment, and inner rage in its wake.

Wow! Who do I become when I believe that I should not be the way I am? Who am I to demand that I should indeed be different?

I've come to see this universal, wide-spread and highly contagious belief as a spiritual virus! One that we suffer often from – as I was that day- and that can only bring us certain suffering. How wonderful to have permission to question it …

“I should be different?” … Is it true

I've got more to tell you about that evening in the garden … it's to follow soon.

Blessings, Lynne

Following The Questions In To Forgiveness ….

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Self abuse is a place where many of us get stuck …Learning to forgive and accept ourselves, especially if we’re not living up to some notion we have about what we’re supposed to be like, is not something many of us know how to do very well.

It's good to remember … any kind of low frequency emotional reaction is simply an alert that indicates that there's a story running. I have learned through repeated observation that low frequency feelings signal that ego is at the helm, which means there will be immediate stress or unhappiness. You can count on it. My down feelings prompt me to search inward (rather than externally) for the disturbing thought behind them (Remember, feelings are always a product of our thoughts.)

I often take time to write my painful thoughts down – it's really helpful….
For instance; “It’s pretentious for me to think I have something to offer …”, is that true? Then I ask, what’s the reality behind this thought?”

Questions that inquire into the nature of the assumption helps me locate the underlying, driving belief …. I keep asking myself questions about the concept, going deep within myself for my most honest answer, digging deeper … allowing the questions to lead me in to the core concept.

Most often, when I get to the innermost, troublesome belief it will be an innocent, albeit painful, belief – often, one that I've been blindly believing since childhood. I've noticed that as soon as I begin to stand back from these painful concepts and look at them from a place of curious and honest inquiry, there's a clarity that enables seeing them through gentler eyes. This eases judgment, prompting an energy shift. The overall vibrational frequency adjusts up.

More to come….
Blessings, Lynne

Even Self Loathing Serves….

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In thinking about the function of self loathing, I've come to this conclusion….

I absolutely believe that the self loathing voice in us can be a primary motivator for consciousness. It produces a most uncomfortable frequency that drives us to higher ground.

It may well be that without the self generated misery that loathing instills, we would evolve very little indeed!

So … a toast … “HERE'S TO SELF LOATHING and the Consciousness it offers!”

🙂 Lynne

Choosing Frequency

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One of my students (thanks Je :)) shared the following example as a way to explain how frequency works ….She said;”Let's say you enter a room full of people.  Half of the crowd is angry and negative and the other half are very positive and upbeat.   The Law of Vibration says that whatever frequency you're on when you walk into the room will determine which group you will find yourself attracted to.”When I shared this metaphor with a client who was stuck in “victim” mentality, she immediately and confidently proclaimed, “I would choose the positive, high frequency group, of course!”  I asked, “When do you plan to start?”  “So far you have conveyed one example after another of how mistreated you are by your boss, your co-workers and your mate … so when exactly do you plan to choose a higher frequency?” It is a choice.  When someone says or behaves towards us in a way that we find offensive and we re-play that scene over and over in our minds – or tell our friends all about how unfairly we've been treated … then we are choosing a low frequency.  Low frequency attracts more low frequency.  Ego likes to personalize other people's behavior – i.e. make their behavior about themselves.  It likes to take something hurtful and dwell on it … and in this way generate lots of resistance in the form of judgment, resentment and hurt feelings and then, ego will work to convince us that our unhappy feelings are justified.  Although there is nothing positive to be gained from mentally regurgitating past painful memories, ego likes to take us into that kind of mental punishment in order to strengthen its own identity as a helpless victim in an unfair world.  This is self abuse.  It generates a low vibration that attracts nothing but more pain and suffering.  Choose instead to let the behavior of others be theirs – and not about you.  Refuse to attach to stories your ego wants to feed you about how they did this or that TO you.  Instead focus on what is working in your life and the things that bring you pleasure.  This is you choosing to associate with the “high frequency crowd”.  Cheers!  🙂

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