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Resistance: Food for the Victim Ego

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 photo credit: Dalliano0925?????

We all have a part of us that focuses on the negative and generates resistance to life in the form of negativity. I call that part of us, the “victim ego.”

The victim ego is the part of us that is in constant resistance to the world, with thoughts like, “I didn't deserve that, it's not fair” and “Look what they did to me,” or “They're trying to take advantage of me!”

When we automatically believe everything the victim ego says, we are miserable ALL the time! Meanwhile, the victim ego is quite happy with our negative state of mind because its main course of nourishment is resistance in the form of unhappy feelings! The victim ego is strengthened by negativity.

Listen for the “should/shouldn't(s)” in your speech. The victim ego has it's own particular vocabulary that consist of words that blame, induce guilt, and speak of times and places that only exist in the mind – like the state of “Shouldville” – the hometown of the victim ego!

Listen closely for your own should's and question them. (Byron Katie's Four Questions and Turn Arounds are an excellent model for questioning our thoughts)

For example, “She shouldn't be so controlling.”

When I believe she shouldn't be the way she is, how do I feel? How do I respond to her when I think she shouldn't be who/how she is? How do I see her? How do I treat her? What sorts of behaviors do I resort to? What would be different if I didn't have that should about her?
And finally, what's the exact opposite of that “should” about her?

“She SHOULD be so controlling!

How might that be true? Some possibilities might be,
“She should be so controlling because she is.” (In other words, it is what is. I can either line up with reality (what is) or resist it & make us both miserable.)
“She should be so controlling because who else is going to mirror to me my own need for control?”

And how about turning the statement around from, “She shouldn't be so controlling,” to say, “I SHOULDN'T BE SO CONTROLLING!”
For instance, I shouldn't be so controlling about how controlling she is!” 🙂

A universal truth that applies to such situations, says, “We judge and resist the very things in others that we have condemned and denied in ourselves.”

Knowing that, we begin to use the resistances & negative judgments we have towards others to locate where in our own minds that judgment lies. We do it in the name of self-forgiveness and understanding. It brings us compassion for ourselves & others.

Blessings, Lynne

Our Negative Reactions Reflect Our Own Thinking

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Creative Commons License photo credit: Ajda Gregor?i?

Every negative reaction we have comes from our thoughts – no matter how tempting it is to think that our negative response is caused by something outside us. When we think, “They're making me …” or “they're ruining my life,” we're operating out of a victim state of consciousness.

When we react to something out there we can rest assured that it's our own “story” being reflected back to us.

The job of our negative reactions is to signal us when a stressful story is dominating our thoughts. Our reaction is telling us that some denied part of our own mind, some painful belief or unresolved judgment towards ourself is being brought to our awareness for questioning and clearing.

Our growing opportunity and challenge comes from observing our reactions without turning them into external actions that we may later regret. Hold back on the outer “punch” and instead look for the thought behind it.

There’s No Way I’m Voting For That Political Candidate!

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Just because you find that you are in a total state of negative reaction towards a candidate does not mean that what you see about them might not be true. A projection can turn out to be true.

Maybe what you tell yourself about that political candidate happens to be true. But here’s the thing … you would not be having such a negative reaction to that person unless there was a relevance to you.

And there’s one thing for sure …. There’s no way you can make a clear assessment of that candidate as long as you are seeing them through the clouded lens of a negative judgment you are holding towards yourself!

Your heated emotional reaction signals that you are lost in a story that you’ve projected onto them and as long as that’s in place you will not be able to make a clear decision about them.

There is another reason why it’s important to clear your projections towards the political candidates that you love to hate….

It’s based on a spiritual truth that says – “Whatever you resist, persists”.

Anytime you actively resist, protest or fight against something out there you actually will end up feeding it. When we resist the thing we say we don’t want, we actually strengthen it. It will increase, rather than decrease in size, power and strength.

So while you think rallying against a political candidate, party or policy is the thing to do – you are actually strengthening the problem you are trying to eliminate. I call this practice, “anti-politics”. It’s not only not helpful but has the totally opposite effect – bolstering rather than derailing that which you are fighting against.

This is because the most powerful fertilizing energy in the world is your attention. Whatever you pay attention to – whether it’s for or against – is what you are, in reality, supporting.

With that in mind, my suggestion is this ….

Be absolutely FOR the candidate of your choosing and for whatever policies that you want to see more of … but do not, under any circumstances, expend energy on being against a political party or candidate.

Instead of focusing your energy on protesting against the candidate that you can’t stand … write your judgments about them down and look inside yourself for those same limiting judgments towards yourself. Instead of turning away from this person, look to them as a doorway into greater understanding and forgiveness toward yourself.

This doesn’t mean that you will end up voting for them … but that you will be able to respond from a place of lucidity and sanity rather than out of political resistance and negative reactivity. You will be more sane and centered as a result.

And if you really catch on here… you may even find yourself beginning to see this person you’ve thought of as the “political adversary” as a friend instead. … someone who furthered your journey towards mental/emotional freedom.

Happy politics!

Resistance and shame reinforce addiction ….

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Resistance is a form of negative attention. “Anything we resist persists” … as the saying goes. As mentioned previously, attention is a fertilizer. Resistance is the negative form of attention we give to something that we don't like. We start fighting against it – through protest perhaps, or by verbal attack … we “should” it or lambast it or feel “bad” about it … etc.

We tend to think that this is the way to eliminate undesirable circumstances … but, in fact, we only strengthen our negative relationship with these things through resistance.

We also resist ourselves.

For instance, let's say we chastise ourselves for something we see as self destructive …
“I shouldn't have done that … I am bad … unacceptable …”, etc.

When we reprimand and reproach ourselves with thoughts like these, we inevitably end up reinforcing the very thing we are judging as unacceptable. Shame is a powerful reinforcer. Resistance like this fuels addictions of every kind. The more we shame ourselves for something, the more we empower it. (What we resist persists ….)

Guilt and heavy self reprimand do not stop unwanted behaviors … quite the opposite … they serve to imprint the addictive behavior even more completely.

This is how addictions of every kind are born.

Blessings, Lynne

Should or Shouldn’t … The Voice of Ego

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Ego has it’s own particular devices for stealing us away from the present moment and carrying us off into places that don’t actually exist. One such place is the imaginary land of “Shouldville”.

Shouldville is the resistant state of consciousness we find ourselves in when we find ourselves thinking in terms of “should” or “shouldn’t”. Whenever we’re thinking life shouldn’t be the way it is, we’re in conflict with reality. When we say things like, “He shouldn’t do that …” or She shouldn’t have said that” or “I should be some other way”, we're struggling against the way life is. It’s like shaking a fist at God, with, “This is NOT the way it should be …” as if we know exactly how it should be. In other words, we’re arguing with Reality – and there’s no winning such an argument!

Life is the way it is and no amount of resistance to it will change that! (Have you noticed?:)) It doesn’t matter whether we like it or agree with it or not – it just IS!

Resisting reality only creates unhappiness. It doesn’t matter how right we may think we are … or how many people may agree with us that it should be different, it will go right on being the way it is. The only thing that this approach to life brings is misery. We cannot find peace as long as we are living in Shouldville.

Acceptance of life on life’s terms is what does work. Aligning with reality brings peace. This doesn’t mean we “give up” or “settle for” something uncomfortable in our lives. We can certainly decide we want to do it differently next time … but it does mean that we can surrender to what is now and come to terms with the way things are RIGHT NOW.

This attitude not only brings us back into the present moment where we can respond better … it also supports an important question … “since it is the way it is … and since life is happening FOR us … then how is it that this is the way it’s supposed to be?” This question helps us to focus on the gifts in any given situation rather than go on bellyaching about how unfair life is.

As Byron Katie says, “How do we know it should be the way it is? Because it is.”

Blessings, Lynne

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