I notice how the presence of even one person can interrupt my focus on Source.
When I am alone, I can surrender fully to a Source of Energy that stretches, opens my heart and moves me. I practice opening to that inspiration, and allowing it to prompt and guide me. Nothing stands between me & Source during those solitary moments.
But as soon as another person enters the mix, my focus falters. Suddenly my attention is divided. Source no longer has my full attention, and the results are immediately apparent. I falter and lose connection. Suddenly I question what, just a few minutes before, felt absolutely right. I see myself through “their eyes,” and begin to doubt my motives and ideas. My words are stilted, my movements stiff and awkward. The effortless flow of union with Source has disappeared.
My 85 year old friend, Jane, who I greatly admire and respect, describes such a loss of focus as holding back from Source for fear of what others may think. She calls it “man-fear” (fear of man).
I relate. I, too “lose my way,” whenever I give in to the irresistible urge to seek someone else's acceptance or approval!
I have concluded that when we allow another's opinion to determine our choices, we are more than likely saying “no” to Source. We are sidetracked. When we distrust our own inner sense of what's right for us and choose instead to do it “their” way, we give up our own authentic life expression for a life “done right” by someone else's standards. When we are being internally nudged to go in a particular direction, but follow someone else's lead instead, we abandon ourselves AND Source. Tremendous unhappiness and self-loathing results!
Learning to surrender to what Source prompts, in and through us, sets us on track to live an authentic life. We attain that degree of surrender through a daily practice. By committing to spend time every day focused on Source, we may someday be able to hold our gaze unwaveringly on Source, no matter who else enters our space. It's my greatest desire.
