In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for.
Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing:
- Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of how selfish we used to think taking care of ourselves was. And in so doing we become a model of self responsibility for those we previously rescued.
- We get clear about whose approval we really need – ours, not the ones we rescue! We come to understand that we are the ones whose acceptance we need to be seeking, not those to whom we have looked for acceptance in the past!
- We become willing for those we previously rescued to be angry with us because we have stopped rescuing them. We even understand why they would be! After all, if you had somebody that had taken care of you in some major way and that person suddenly stopped doing it … with no explanation … wouldn’t you be upset?
- We no longer try to control or manage the feelings, opinions, beliefs or behavior of those we previously rescued. We understand that they have the right to make (even poor) choices and experience the consequences of those choices as a part of their own learning about themselves and life
- We stop relating to our loved ones as if they have or are a problem. Instead we support and encourage them to learn from the situations they create for themselves by reminding them that there are options and that they do indeed have the power to create a better life for themselves
- We are able to recognize and state boundaries. In other words, we are clear on what is our business (us) and what is not our business.
These are a few of the changes that happen naturally as we move out of rescuing into an increasing self awareness. May they become your daily reality.