fbpx

Life Gives Us Instant Feedback Every Moment

By 1 Comment

Although I have  worked with people for many years, listening to their personal stories and exploring with them ways to address their life dramas, I remain fascinated by the endless variety of ways that each individual's life reflects their particular core beliefs about themselves and life. I mean our lives reflect our beliefs perfectly!

I see this simple truth every day in my work with the clients I serve. For instance, I find it beyond coincidence that a parent who has trouble defining appropriate boundaries with family members, ends up having very similar “bully and attack” issues with her animals that's she's experiencing at home with her children. Her animals, in this case, serve as perfect mirrors for her, revealing her tolerance of boundary violations with family members who, much like her dogs do with one another, harass her until she turns on them in rage and viciously attacks – just like her animals do with one another.

We recreate in our lives that which we believe. This is always true. Our personal life is a direct reflection of our current state of relationship with ourselves and Source. These reflections of ourselves that show up in our external life in the form of situations, circumstances, or relationships, are not designed to make us suffer. They are simply reflecting our inner state for the purpose of helping us to see where it is we are out of alignement with ourselves.

For instance, it may well be that the mother with the out-of-control pets mentioned above is being shown in technicolor  the way she turns vicious on herself when she is disapproving or self-critical towards herself. Perhaps, and it's highly likely, that she treats herself similarly. Maybe she picks on herself mercilessly, and then tries to muzzle herself, just like she does her animals, in a vain attempt to control herself, or to stop the self-attack … muzzling herself with alcohol, perhaps, or shopping, or even by seeking some external cause she can fight for in an effort to make up for her own inner bully. However, just the mere fact that she has difficulty setting boundaries with her animals is a tell-tale sign that she has the same sort of boundary issues going on within her as well.

I heard a young man complaining recently about his in-law's constant accusations about being taken advantage of. He was highly insulted by his in-law's accusations, and yet, not an hour later, he was telling me about several people he felt had taken advantage of him! Seeing himself as a victim led him to blaming others, and brought into his life someone who saw themselves as his victim. The world is a mirror – only always.

However, the world not only reflects the constricting beliefs, our higher frequency thoughts are reflected to us as well. When we question and reframe, rather than blindly believe, our unhappy story of the moment, the world reflects that shift too!

When we change our mind by aligning with Reality, then peace, which is the resin of Reality, is the reward.

Here's an example:

it is not unusual for a client to report, as one lady recently did, that her family had been treating her so much better since she had been working with me. She had come to the conclusion, and was convinced, that I had called  her family and had a talk with them about how they needed to treat her better!  (Anyone who knows me, knows that will most likely never happen 😉 )

She was skeptical at first, when I assured her that I had NOT spoken with any of her family members, but finally she began to realize that the real answer to her family's sudden and new interest in her life was HER own mental shift. She had taken seriously the principles of relating that I'd shared with her, and applied them in her relationship with her family, which allowed her to let go of her own demand that her family make her happy.

She said,  “I let them off the hook of needing to take care of me, and they started coming around more often – doing for me, without my asking, the very things that I had spent endless amounts of time and energy trying to get them to do for me before.”

My client had discovered that befriending Reality is a faster way of getting us to where we want to go!

Rather than ranting against Reality, complaining about how things are not what they should be, and protesting and fighting against the way things are, she had come to accept things for what they are, and to look for ways to work with Reality. Suddenly resistance melted and life became a friend that facilitates and supports growth,  rather than blocks us.

May you too, make this discovery,

Blessings,

 

 

How We Attract Life Partners – Good & Bad

By 7 Comments

Bad Boy
 photo credit: JasonDGreat

Since we know there are no mistakes, no coincidences, (see Guiding Principles ) we can assume that that includes the relationships we find ourselves in. Truthfully, we handpick the people in our lives to be exactly the way they are because the way they are reinforces what we have come to expect from relationship!

Here's how it works: As children we make automatic assumptions about what we can expect from relationship – about what men are like and what women are like, about how we will be treated, etc. We view the world around us through these assumptions or core beliefs; they become like a lens that colors what we see in the same way that wearing a pair of sunglasses affects the way we see the world.

Unconsciously we walk around looking at the world through these often distorted beliefs and we find ourselves attracted to and attracting to us the people that feel most familiar, even in a not so positive way, who end up validating for us our early life assumptions/core beliefs.

Here's an example from my own life: As a child, I loved my dad very much. He was a practicing alcoholic who either played with us so hard it hurt or he ignored us altogether. He was often irritable (hung over) or downright disapproving. When I heard his car pulling into the driveway at night, I remember feeling my heart-pound and great angst in the pit of my stomach because I never knew “which dad” would walk through the door.

Later, in my adolescence, I'd go to parties, like most teenagers, looking to meet boys. I soon noticed that I was not much interested in the “nice” boys – Instead I'd look around until I found the guy who was standing aloof – the one with the scowl on his face, a beer in his hand and a cigarette dangling from his lips. I would see that “bad boy” and my heart would pound and my gut would twist up just as it did when I was a kid around my dad – and do you know what I thought that meant?

You guessed it! I thought I was in love! In reality I'd simply found the one guy in the room who was most like my dad; I'd found what was familiar. It took me years to realize that those old familiar feelings signaled not love, but a guy more likely in need of treatment! 🙂

Become familiar with your core beliefs. Write down what you learned about relationship from watching your parents interact and then look for how those very beliefs have been played out in your own life!

Blessings, Lynne

%d bloggers like this: