Remember, the work teaches us that our reactions are always about us – not the other person. The reverse of that is just as true. Their reactions (behavior, feelings, beliefs) are always about them and their story – not about us. What does this mean?

Here's the image that came to my mind a couple of mornings ago ….
Every single human being is engaged in the business of producing, directing and starring in our own play. The story line and title for our production is taken from our belief systems ….

Some sample storylines themes might be:
“Life is hard and I am just barely eke-ing by”
“I can't truly commit to life”
“Nobody will ever really love me”
“Life is a wonderful, awe-inspiring miracle and I get to see it all!”
… and an endless variety of others…. It's your play – your reality!

In the same way that we have certain types of performances we like better than others (drama over comedy, for instance or murder mysteries rather than romance themes) we are attracted to the dramas of those whose themes we resonate with. We witness their stage production, but instead of remembering that it's a production we think it's real, and we get hooked into jumping up on stage, making a “guest appearance” to rescue or rectify what we see there. We all do this …. it's not something some of us do and not others… it's what being on this level of manifestation is all about.

This is the plane of reality where we come to express in visible manifestation every possible thought form imaginable and possible! That's what I mean when I say the world is perfect … it is perfect for it's purpose which is to demonstrate, in visible form, our individual belief systems! No mistake. Knowing this relieves any sense of needing to feel bad or guilty about what we see happening in someone else's life. We understand that they are producing in technicolor realism the exact replica of their own internal script and we don't see that as a problem we need to do anything about!

It is our reactions to their productions that alert us to what our own production is. Something they say or do will trigger our own script and we'll find ourselves engaging in their production.
Our reactions to their dramas are simply a way we have of auditioning for a part in their production. Chances are that it will simultaneously end up reinforcing our own plot line as well.

We each walk around (unaware) seeking to cast roles in our production. We are ever on the lookout for those who can fill the part of whatever role we need. There's no right or wrong here … these “actors” simply “agree” (although they may not know they've agreed) to play a part in the script we supply. They play the part we need in order to advance our (and their) particular drama.

So, every single person in my life has at least a bit part in my play. They were picked for the role they play for their ability to carry it off. Whatever we tell ourselves about that person mirrors the role we hand picked them to play.

It is our belief system that directs and casts the roles.

An example:
Let's say, you come to see me for the first time and the name of your production is “The Man Who No-one Could Help”. Starring in your own production, you start describing to me a history of one vain attempt after another of those who tried and failed to help your hopelessly futile condition. You tell yourself that you are here to get help … but what you BELIEVE is that you are hopeless – that there is no help for you. If I forget this is your production I might think this drama is real instead of a concrete version created for your viewing pleasure to show you your own beliefs. If my story plot is one that says I am here to save others … or that I am a failure (either of these would make for interesting drama between us :)) then i might find myself hooked into auditioning for a role in your production. I might play the part of another one who tried and failed to help you get better.
But when I sit in the audience instead of jumping on stage, then I don't see a problem … I know you are staging, for the purpose of seeing it clearly, your own internal beliefs (in this case … “I am hopelessly damaged”) and I recognize that as, not only your right but your privilege. If you indicate to me that you are tired of running this same plot line (you know how some movie directors just re-stage the same story in a multitude of ways? Well, we do the same with our own productions … we just recast them and run them over and over again) and want to do something different … then I will share with you tools and insights that I have acquired to take conscious direction of you subplots but intervening at the script level.
We learn, in other words, how to sit in the audience, even in our own stage productions, as directors, rather than jumping up on stage as actors. We watch and analyze script notes … rather than react. It makes all the difference in the world!

More coming about on this idea!
Blessings, Lynne

So, ok … folks:) let's talk about this relationship idea that says, “My partner SHOULD be supportive and understanding when I'm in a down place ….”.

As one client said;
“It’s one thing to take care of our own moods, but then there’s being in a relationship with someone who is affected by our moods and “throws it back at us”. If I’m in a bad mood – s/he will be also and will make me suffer further because of it”.

There's a lot being said in this statement; especially in the idea of someone being, “affected by our moods and … who then “throws it back at us”.

In my opinion, this is a good description of exactly what happens…. When we run a low frequency story, our mood drops and then our partner “catches” our down vibe (sorta like catching a virus) and reflects it back to us in the way they relate to us. This is how “mood catching” works which is why I emphasize the importance of becoming more interested in our own reaction than in worrying about how we're being treated. I understand that when I'm thinking about how “unfairly” (do I know that for sure?) I've been treated, I will simultaneously react (or behave) in a way that sends an unspoken “invitation” to come play in my drama.
How can they resist? Especially when they just happen to have a complimentary story that is triggered through my reaction …. we just end up furthering each others plot-line.

An analogy that comes to mind to describe it is …
My significant other says or does something that fits the theme that I'm unconsciously (always) on the lookout to justify. (“I'm not important …” or, “Nothing ever works for me”, for instance ….) Immediately, a thought from that hotbed of mental noise jumps out of the ethers straight onto my plate. When I am in unconscious mode I automatically pick up my fork and shovel it in … there's no thought to question or challenge the idea. It just shows up and I eat it whole, without blinking twice. Having eaten it, I then go into automatic react mode. Before I know it I've swallowed the idea, (or belief) hook line and sinker and then proceeded to react in a way that creates a drama that ends up verifying both of our dramas. What usually follows is interpersonal unhappiness.

Here's a recent example from my life ….
I fed the dogs some vegi-links that had been in the refrigerator too long (according to me, anyway) … Later in the morning… my husband, looking for something to take for his lunch on the job, asked, “Where's my vegi-links?”
“oops…I said, “I gave them to the dogs….”
Well … he reacted immediately …
“That was MY food … you had no right to give them My food … Don't you ever go giving the dogs MY food again … ” and so on… continuing in that vein for some minutes, using highly irate and loud tones.

In the old days, this would have been a wonderful invitation to engage in battle. I could have turned his reaction into justification for my own life theme and launched into an old story about how unfairly he was treating me. I might have played the victim … poor mistreated damsel-in-distress … “I was just feeding the dogs and he started yelling at me and I didn't deserve to be talked to like that … he has no respect for me ….” and on and on…. and we could have gone on for hours (I'm not exaggerating … this sort of insanity happens ALL the TIME in relationship – over just these sorts of insignificant occurrences!)

This time, however, I observed the mental thoughts-in-response internally, without reacting outwardly. I heard the negative thoughts as they “landed on my mental plate” without falling for them. Suddenly I realized that Daniel was simply raising his voice because he obviously believed he needed to speak to me in a rather loud voice in order to get me to hear how important this matter was to him…. It made me smile when I recognized that he was right. He DID need to make his point loud and clear in order for me to get the message … otherwise there's a good chance I would have thought it was fine and gone on giving his lunch items to the dogs! 🙂

Because I did not jump into the fray … Daniel soon dropped his voice back into a normal tone and, smiling somewhat sheepishly said, “Yeah… you have to be careful about coming between a man and his food!” We both chuckled and moved on – no damage done…. BUT, if I needed more evidence that he doesn't treat me right… I could carry this event in my memory until the next time I needed to remind him and myself about how mistreated I am. Now … who would that be hurting? 🙂

More on this general topic tomorrow….
Blessings, Lynne

Staging and Starring In Our Own Productions

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When Others Are Affected by Our Moods ….

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