Here are some steps to take the next time you find yourself feeling or reacting like a victim:
1. Notice your thoughts! Suspect them as being the source of your problem first, rather than generating more misery for yourself by blaming the other person or situation.
2.Contain your negative reaction and investigate what you are telling yourself instead.
3. Look at the situation through a lens made up of the basic guiding principles such as those I listed in a previous post.
4. Ask yourself questions like the following that are based on those same guiding principles:
A. What is this person or situation mirroring to me?
B. What might be true in their criticism or judgment of me?
C. What am I believing that would prompt me to react the way I just did?
D. What are its consequences?
E. What are my judgments/criticisms of them showing me about myself?
F. Is it possible that I am doing the very thing I accused them of doing?
G. What does this situation offer me? What can I learn from it?
H. Since there are no coincidences or mistakes, why did I need this thing to happen in my life?
5. By asking the questions above, find the most positive perception of your situation and look for evidence that verifies it (oh yes, there's plenty if you're willing to see it!). Make that more positive perception your “home-base” by choosing to return to it anytime a less friendlier way of perceiving threatens to trick you back into your previous victim perception.
6. Reap the high-frequency harvest that comes from insisting on a more positive perception.
Practice applying these steps consistently and seriously and watch the joyful metamorphosis that occurs.