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Even Our Nightmares Teach ….

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Creative Commons License photo credit: Hadi Zaher

I spent the day yesterday struggling with an inner state of low-frequency mind-spin. The thing that triggered me seemed to be emotional fall-out from a nightmare I’d awakened from that morning.

In my nightmare I was in a once-upon-a-time-all-too-familiar state of rage of the kind I used to experience often some years back when the victim-mind ruled. I was railing and ranting in my nightmare at my husband (who wasn’t my present mate, Daniel) about something he said or did. I was striking out at everyone around me and blaming my mind-spinning behavior on anything and everything BUT me. I was all about being right, and I was totally focused on seeking vindication for how wrongly I felt I’d been treated. My nightmare was, in essence, a flashback to how I’d once lived

SHaPes -my life!

I awoke from my nightmare feeling totally hung-over, as if I’d been on a drunk, and, in truth I had been! I’d spent the night underground, hanging out in the dark, dank, and dangerous hellholes of my own inner making. And my nightmare showed me, in vibrant technicolor, the misery I am still capable of producing for myself if, and whenever, I choose to believe my own insane thoughts about life around me.

The low-frequency emotional state I awakened from my nightmare in stayed with me for the rest of the day. In the past, I would have tried to escape the feelings, to shake them off, deny them, or I might have spiraled into worse feelings generated by the “reasons” behind such a nightmare, and what it was saying about me and my problems.

Instead, this time, I struggled to bring consciousness to my thoughts about it. Rather than feeling at the mercy of my “mood” and dumping it on to those around me, as I might have once done, I contained my emotional reactivity instead, and studied the thoughts. Even though I continued to carry some heaviness through the day, I was also aware of some relief, resulting, I think, from having consciously refrained from totally identifying with my unhappy thoughts.

It really wasn’t until the next morning during my daily practice that I was able to fully resurface from my dark inner cavern. Like the sun breaking through dense clouds, the light of Reality finally broke through the heavy layer of story-laden fog that engulfed me, and ‘en-lightened’ (shone light from within) me, and in doing so, inner peace was restored.

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that these “nightmare” moments, whether they occur in sleeping or waking life, are great teaching moments – may, in fact, be a necessary part of expanding our consciousness. I have more to say on this topic next time.

 

Blessings, Lynne

 

Choosing Happy Thoughts

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kinder visual
Creative Commons License photo credit: feliciano_naredo

I had the opportunity to speak most honestly with a precious 8 year old while traveling the metro system in a large city recently. She told me her name was Gabby, and said she’d been given the perfect name for her because she liked to talk so much! She was traveling with her dad and he warned me that “once Gabby gets started talking she doesn’t stop.” That was ok with me. We had a twenty-five minute commute and I was all ears.

I mentioned something about how lucky she was to have such a good life and she quickly dissented, saying, “not really.” I was a little shocked at her quick rebuttal, and asked her, “so your life is not a good one?” to which she shook her head w/ a look of sadness and said, “No, because I am ADHD.” – As if that explained everything.

So I asked, “is that a bad thing – to be ADHD?” Gabby nodded. I said, “Why? What about being ADHD is bad?” She then explained, “because it means I can’t focus and it means that I lose my temper easy and that I can’t control myself.”

I stated, matter-of-factly, “Oh those are just some of the downsides of being ADHD … what about the good things that come from being ADHD?

Gabby looked totally suprised, prompting me to ask, “Did you not know that there are some really great gifts that come with being ADHD?!”

She shook her head dramatically and asked, “what good things?”

I preceded to click off the following benefits: “ADHD means you are very smart and that your brain works really fast. That’s why it is so easy for you to get bored – because you have so many ideas coming into your mind so fast that you can’t even remember them all at the same time!” Gabby nodded her head in complete assent, and I continued:

“Being ADHD also means that you have a lot of energy and are always ready to go and do.” It means that you are very creative, and that you probably come up with new ideas all the time. It means you have natural abilities as a leader and that you don’t mind trying new and different things. These are the good things about being ADHD – are they true about you?”

Gabby nodded her head thoughtfully. Clearly she was interested, but not totally convinced. Obviously there had been minimal emphasis on the gifts of having ADHD – as a matter of fact, it did not appear that anyone had even mentioned to her that there could be anything good about being ADHD at all! As a result Gabby appeared to be carrying a largely negative impression (or story) of herself as being defective as a result of having Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder. As she sees and describes herself, she is simply a problem.

Her plaintive response was this: “But I can’t control myself when I get mad.”

I paused a moment to consider her plainly spoken, self-fulfilling and life-limiting prophecy. My heart reached out to this beautiful child whose path mine had no doubt purposefully crossed. I knew that I had been given a precious few moments to introduce her to another option or possibility of seeing herself.

And so I said; Oh I know what you mean, I, too, have had trouble at times controlling my own temper. That is until I discovered the secret. Do you want to know what that secret is?”

Gabby nodded hard, her shiny brown hair bouncing up & down, her dark eyes, big as saucers. “It’s simply knowing this: anger is caused by what we are thinking. Did you know that?” She shook her head no.

“Well, it’s true. I noticed that whenever I was mad, I was always thinking unhappy thoughts and that the thing that could make the anger go away faster than anything, was choosing to think happier thoughts.”

Gabby said, “You mean like thinking about the things I like, and places I like to go and my friends and stuff like that?”

“Yes, thoughts just like that and remembering to think about the things you are thankful for!”

“I found out that it’s hard to stay mad when you are thinking happy thoughts! Do you think you can do that the next time you start feeling mad? All you have to do it just notice the unhappy thoughts that are making you mad … and choose happier ones instead.”

We parted company about then … the last thing I heard Gabby say as she & her dad hurried off at their stop, was “I can choose to think happy thoughts…”

Of course, we do not know for sure that Gabby will remember to apply her newfound wisdom for peace – but you can choose to apply this seemingly simple and totally revolutionary idea of choosing to be happy no matter what your challenges may be. Look for the gifts inherent in your life challenges and focus on those instead of seeing only the negatives.

Blessings to all who, like Gabby, are discovering ways to affirm life challenges. May you too experience the peace that comes from the practice of choosing happier thoughts!

Lynne

A Cup of Coffee Away From Victim Consciousness

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the keepcup coffee cup, save on plastic cups
Creative Commons License photo credit: philcampbell

I had a wonderful opportunity to transform victim consciousness this past week that I want to share. It’s a good example of what it looks like to move out of victim and into observer consciousness.

Daniel and I got up early to go on the mountain outing we had planned for our day. We discussed breakfast, at first opting for a quick drive through McDonalds, before settling on taking home-made breakfast sandwiches instead, to eat on our way. Even though we decided to carry our own food, I was still planning to stop for a cafe latte from Mc D’s to go along with my sandwich. The only thing is I failed to tell Daniel my intentions of stopping …

So when my husband drove by the one McD exit (that I knew of) without stopping, my disappointment was palpable. I could taste it. I was so attached to my fantasy about washing down my almond butter & banana sandwich with a cafe latte that I lashed out at my husband immediately for heedlessly disregarding my desire.

“Why didn’t you stop?! You knew I wanted coffee and you drove right past anyway! You never think of me! What I want never matters to you!” I said fervently, proclaiming his thoughtlessness and my disappointment.
Daniel was quick to mirror right back to me my own angry fervor with a blaming remark of his own. His prompt negative reaction was the signal I needed to let me know that I was caught up in a victim mentality. I took pause to take a quick look within my own mind.

At that moment I activated my observer consciousness. I noticed how resistant and insistent on blaming I was feeling, and wordlessly asked myself if a missed cup of coffee was worth the price of disharmony between me and my husband. My immediate answer was no and immediately I was able to start reflecting instead of reacting.

It only took another moments worth of reflecting for me to see that I had not communicated my intentions to Daniel. I had failed to let him know that I was still planning to stop for coffee even though we had made an alternative plan for food; instead I assumed he would know. What a trap for feeling victimized I had set for myself!

I noticed how easily I attach to something and then feel justifiably outraged if it doesn’t pan out. I shared these thoughts out-loud with Daniel in what was now a calm, reasonable voice, and after a few more minutes of processing and ‘unwinding’ our victim thinking, we were both laughing at how quick we can be to claim and justify our victim status.

In the old days, I might have flown into a full blown fit and blamed and attacked Daniel for days for his “obvious insensitivity.” More recently, I would have been more likely to observe my burgeoning fit, but swallow it down, rather than to allow myself such inappropriate thoughts and feelings. I would have stuffed my resentment and gone on internally “fuming” until I found a “good enough” reason to dump my unhappy feelings on a poor unsuspecting Daniel!

This time, however, I allowed my reaction, recognized it as victim consciousness, and owned it – internally first, and then out loud to Daniel. By taking responsibility for it, I could begin to “unwind” the state of contraction I had produced with my negative thoughts about my thwarted desire.

I was fascinated to notice the intensity of physical contraction I was capable of experiencing over a simple cup of coffee! Think of those who spend their whole day, day after day, in a series of such contractions and negative reactions to life! WOW – talk about a stressful way to live! It’s hard to imagine anymore being more stressful than living in such victim consciousness.

From a state of observer consciousness that morning I noticed how my shoulders had drawn up and in as my heart contracted in disappointment and anger. That contracted tension reached all the way down into my gut. As I observed my reaction, I had time to marvel out loud to Daniel about how grateful I felt not to have to live in a constant knot of contraction anymore. Today I have a choice – to remain contracted or release it through sane observation of the thoughts that produce such contraction. My contraction slowly released as I reflected, and peace returned.

The moral of this story might be simply this: It’s not how many times we attach to and are taken hostage by an unhappy thought that matters; it’s how often we catch ourselves in victim consciousness and choose to step back and reflect on it instead that makes peace possible.

Oh, and by the way, I did get my cafe latte that day after all! It wasn’t anytime at all after we had reestablished peace between us that another McDonalds popped up on the horizon and Daniel DID stop this time! 🙂

Blessings, Lynne

Burdened by Story

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texas snow storm 3

Creative Commons License photo credit: greg westfall.

Like snow lying heavy on the backs of the grass in the field, causing it to bow to the ground in seeming defeat, our own stories lie heavy upon us.

Just as the sun melts away the snow leaving the grass once again standing tall in the light of day, we too are purified, our stories dissolved by the light of consciousness, leaving us to stand upright in healing alignment with Source.

So be it.

What Are You Telling Yourself?

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When you look at this picture, what are your immediate thoughts? Does a “story” come to mind immediately to explain it?”


Creative Commons License photo credit: paalia

If so, then you are in good company. Probably everyone you know does the same thing. As humans, we are story makers. We see a person or situation and we immediately create a story about what we see. That’s because the human mind is not satisfied unless it has an explanation of things we encounter in life.

I think the need to know may be intrinsically linked with our need for safety. In other words, we feel safer when we think we understand something; even if it’s an explanation that causes great distress. We prefer our own made up and painful story about reality over a state of ‘not knowing.’

We just need to feel like we know. Therefore we explain everything to ourselves in an ongoing mental dialog with ourselves. But the thing is – sometimes (often, for many of us) our mental chats with ourselves, so chock-full of unquestioned “explanations” about what we see, are simply not true!

But once we have an explanation, we just assume that it’s true. We believe these stories, boy, do we ever BELIEVE them! We believe our stories so completely sometimes that we hang on to them with our teeth bared, ready to bite anyone who disagrees!

Let’s take the picture above as a hypothetical, but nonetheless, commonplace sort of example:

I asked Susanna what her impressions of this picture were. She expressed immediate concern for the young boy in the photo who was “obviously (in her mind) being forced to work.” She launched into an animated diatribe about child slave labor and how unjust it is for business owners to take such unfair advantage of children in poverty situations. She expressed bitterness towards those who would mistreat such “poor, underprivileged, children.”

Doreen’s impressions were quite opposite; looking at the same picture brought her a reminiscent smile. She said the young boy’s facial expression brought back childhood memories for her of hanging out in her grandfather’s store on days she would have preferred to be outside playing. She went on to say how lucky she felt to have been a part of a family who worked in a business together. “It gave me a sense of importance and meaning to know that my family depended on me to do my part.”

Jillian had yet another take on the photo. She saw the children as waiting patiently for their parents to finish their day. She felt a little miffed at the parents for not having their children “home doing their schoolwork,” and at the same time, impressed with how patient “children from other cultures are as compared to our own.”

The point is – we all have a different story about what we see and experience. This is simply the way we are. We see and experience something and we create a story about it. Consciousness comes from observing what we see and the stories that arise about those things without getting too attached to our particular explanations about them. Because who knows, our story just might not be true!

Blessings, Lynne

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