There’s a difference between what I call a starting gate persecutor and the persecutor role a rescuer plays as they trek around the triangle.
It is this:
A starting gate persecutor lives out of a deep-seated conviction that attack is the only way to survive.
A starting gate rescuer in the role of the persecutor is a rescuer who feels frustrated because their project (the one they are currently trying to save) is not going according to their own plan.
When we find ourselves persecuting it’s a signal that we are on the victim triangle; that consciousness prompts us to take the action needed to move off of it. As rescuers, we notice that we have an idea of how and where we think our client should be on their journey, as if being where they are right NOW is not necessary or acceptable. We have temporarily forgotten that they do not need us to tell them where to go or how to live – they simply need our acceptance of where they are now and the understanding that where they are is a reflection of their own painful beliefs.
So when we find ourselves or see others in a persecutor role, we look for the intention behind the attack – is it safety sought? Or frustration at failed attempts to save?