Universal principles teach us that the behavior and habits that trigger a negative response in us will be reflections of things about us that we have judged negatively. Our loved ones show us how we feel about ourselves. Take for example a couple where one partner complains that the other is out of control financially or, perhaps ones partner doesn't take good care of their health – doesn't the healthier mate suffer as a result of their partners malaise?
Our suffering is created in our minds, caused by what we tell ourselves about why people do what they do or why situations are the way they are. As I've said many times, it's not the people in our lives that create our unhappiness, but our thoughts about those people. Our loves ones do what they are meant to do; they mirror to us our own minds.
Although what is being reflected may vary from one person to another, we might imagine that having a mate who “spends all our money,” for instance, might reflect a negative personal belief that says we don't have a right to be materially comfortable, or a belief that scarcity and want is all we can expect from life. We have attracted a mate who helps us prove that we can't have what we want; someone who is “fleshing out” for us a belief in scarcity. How else would we be able to see it if not through a mate who so exactly reflects to us our own limited beliefs about money? Similarly, a mate who doesn't take care of him/herself may be a reflection of that part of us who does not take care of ourselve in some way.
When we use our mates as the mirrors they are, we stop feeling at their mercy. We locate the source of resistance we have towards them in ourselves and question it to forgive ourselves and set ourselves free. Perhaps the most amazing, most miraculous part of this whole approach is that when we address the complaints we have about our mates by looking within to our own beliefs first, the outer manifestation of our belief will automatically adjust itself to reflect the inner shift. In other words, the may appear to change! For instance, the spouse that overspends may suddenly realizes their own desire to manage money better and start an effective budget plan or the partner who neglects himself may begin to make more informed choices towards self care.