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To My Son, Upon The Occasion Of Your Death …

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To My Son, upon hearing the news of you lying in coma after a massive heart attack requiring reoccurring resuscitations, I fell to my mat in shock, and despair … and found there what I needed to move forward another day…

My son, my son, I have to let you go! How else am I going to live through the eminence of your death? I have to live on if you die and yet I can not live and give you up! And so I asked, that morning on my mat, “How can I give you up and not lose you too?

And I was shown a Way.

I was shown on the screen of my own mind my choices and where they would lead, so that I could better choose how not to lose.

I saw the dance between opposites play out In my mind, and watched the two impossible extremes turn into an acceptable, highly sacred, flow between “both and …
All in a flash I could envision your body gone, but yet YOU –  your Essence – kept alive and well. I saw me taking our relationship deep inside – to an inner room in my heart/mind – where only you abide. I could see me going there whenever I please – say every morning we might meet for tea  – and visit together – just you and me.

Or … I could go the other extreme:
I could grieve my life away. Tell myself I lost you forever … and that you were gone away to stay – or at least until some impossible future in which I could hardly believe.

I made my choice that very moment on my morning mat. I chose to believe what I am learning – may I never cease – and to live in the Reality of you and me together, become one – as we were in the beginning. Remember? When you lived inside me, but that time in my belly? 🙂

I decided that if I must give you up then I must keep you alive, in my heart this time, and not in my belly – but also in my mind. For there, in that sacred inner space, you, my precious son, can never leave me – nor I, you, for that matter. As long as we love one another, we will remain connected forever. Why wouldn't I choose that?

So I made the choice for Reality which is for Life Everlasting and there being no mistake; even our death is for our own sake. And I let you go, and it shredded my heart even as it lifted me high. I was free from the binds of a limited thought of you existing only in flesh, and opened instead to you with me forever in now.

At that precise moment you appeared. Animated and vibrant you spoke, answered my questions and validated the Truth I had chosen as the Way I want to walk.

And we shared together, and you reassured as I wept, and my eyes feasted upon the vibrant aliveness of you, as I held you close – all of this inside within my heart. My heart cracked open to become fertile ground for our love of one another, and the World  – and the knowing that It too dwells within The Mind, and as so, we are all One. Separation is a lie.

I realized at that moment, as I gazed upon you,, that wherever we go we are forever together. Wherever we are we are but a thought away from being side by side. We are One.

And then you were returned to stand in the flesh and allow me to witness your beautiful soul embodied in a body that has returned to serve. And it looks as though we may have a walk here to do together as we share our news with those who come hungry to know.

I am totally blessed by the son you are, and the master you are becoming.  I love you forever.

Mama

The Miracles of Life Held In the Balance: Andrew’s Journey Home …

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Perhaps you have heard? My son, Andrew had a major heart attack Friday night, March 3rd, 2017. He would not be here today if Brett had not been by his side at the time it happened and so was able, by taking immediate action, to keep his heart beating until more help could arrive.  The Medics resuscitated him by defibrillator, but it took five attempts to get his heart beating again. Among the many miracles that have taken place over the ensuing days, among them was this immediate and excellent intervention Andrew got from the beginning which kept him from having to go more than five minutes without oxygen to the brain, a major determiner in the outcome of such episodes.

From Brett, his partner, to the EMT's that kept him alive until they got him to Bayshore Hospital and into the hands of the amazing heart surgery team that spent the next two hours working on him, opening up the blockages, to reestablish oxygen flow, by placing three stints in the right main ventricular artery – and then, fearing brain damage, they dropped him into a hypothermia-induced coma, before turning him over to the incredible round- the-clock care of well-trained and deeply compassionate nurses who tended him 24/7 – All of it flowed, as if it were planned;..  All of the necessary systems were in place, right on time, to give him the best care possible!  And then, we, his family and loved ones, were left to see if he would return to us.

From the first day I knew, before the doctors and nurses even dared to hope, that Andrew would return to us. He let me know during the first morning after his attack that he was alive and well in a body lying in deep rest! I stayed in communication with him and continue to connect with him every day during my morning practice. From this place I get the real scoop on what is going on with my son. He came through strong and focused from the first morning, letting me know he was definitely coming back to complete his earth mission. He was planning to not only return to us, but to return stronger, more intentional and focused than ever. I was impressed intuitively with understanding what and why this death/rebirth initiation was necessary for his own soul's expansion. My fear for his life was greatly eased by the inner connection that Andrew and I have maintained.

So when the nurses cautioned us not to expect too much, that once they began to decrease the medication that was holding his systems in suspension it would probably be  2-3 days, and perhaps longer, before he would be able to come up from his state of coma. (After 3 days, we were told, serious brain damage is presumed) and even then, the verdict was out still on whether he would be able to return to normal functioning.

But I was receiving a different message; I did not believe for a moment that he would  nor return, and I could also feel his impatience in wanting to resurface to get started on initiating the next leg of his life plan. I warned the nursing staff that they might well be the ones who would be surprised because, I told them,  “he is, in fact, impatient to return.”  And I encouraged them to be ready for him to rouse SOON upon their easing up on the coma inducing drugs.

Meanwhile he had another heart attack. Another stint was put in. That was on the Sunday following the Friday night heart attack.

But then that Monday morning, just as he had conveyed he would, he returned. It was less than six hours after they began to decrease the drugs, those heavy immobilizing sedatives, that were holding him in coma, that he began to surface. He roused enough for the nurses and family  to relax around the fear of long term brain damage. He has been holding his own since, gaining strength and progressing daily. What a high moment! To see my son looking back at me again that miraculous Monday!

And the next day, Tuesday, I was sent to fulfill a work commitment in Copenhagen! The hardest choice I can remember ever making was mine to make … about whether to stay by my son's bedside or to go and fulfill my assignment. But every time I went into my morning practice to “present my case” for staying, I would come out knowing I was being told to go. I realized that I too was undergoing an initiation of my own. I was being asked to choose who I was going to serve, my fear-based story about what might happen, or Source. The task (test) for me was to choose whether I was going to really believe that my son was going to be ok, and in greater Hands than mine by going forward with my work, or whether I was going to let fear keep me from trusting Source.  I had been told he would come through – I saw that his soul was experiencing a necessary challenge FOR his ultimate good. Now it was up to me to trust that my being removed from his bedside at this moment was also in right order. I chose to demonstrate my faith by going,  And so, tearing myself away from my son that Tuesday morning after one last visit, when he actually opened his eyes, listened to me as I explained I would be gone a few days, and nodded in acknowledgment (another miracle), I flew to Copenhagen.

I have not returned home yet…  tomorrow is the day I am scheduled to leave here – but, again, as promised, my son is progressing, even through the little “bumps in the road.”

For instance, I learned while in Copenhagen, that Andrew's lung had collapsed. I shared the news with the awesome group of students I was working with here. I told them that the medical plan was to do a surgical process the following morning to re-inflate the lung, and asked them if they were willing to participate in a healing ritual for Andrew with me.

The group agreed to participate in the healing circle  that morning, and so  I led the group through what Jeff Primack, of Supreme Science Qigong, calls his “Nine Breath Method.” We directed our Breath towards a chair placed in the center of the circle while envisioning Andrew sitting in it, as we sent our breath into his lungs, seeing his lungs inflate with breath as we breathed for him all together.

Because of the time difference between where we were in Copenhagen and where Andrew was, this session was took place about 4 am, Andrew's time. When I checked in that afternoon, (which was still morning for Andrew) the medical staff informed me that his lungs had “somehow” inflated on their own during the night! Another miracle!

There are many lessons being experienced through this journey my son is on, not only for him, but for all us who have been touched by our compassion and love for Andrew. I share this account with you, thinking perhaps you too might receive a gift from it.

You see, it's not what happens to us, but what we DO with that happening that determines whether we are strengthened by the situation, or whether it takes us down the hole into the fear that accompanies victim consciousness.

All of us are on a journey Home … everything that happens on that road is FOR us, and serves us, in some way, as an opportunity to expand our understanding of, and to grow in our ability to trust the Universe to be exactly what we need it to be – FOR US!.
Blessings, Lynne

If you received something from this, and are inspired to help, please consider contributing to Andrew's Go Fund Me page:

The price of surrender …

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This morning I crawled to my morning practice in front of my altar steeped in self-recrimination. I had become acutely aware of my own painful stand-off against Source. I was seeing vividly my own state of resistance, and knew I was being held prisoner by my own unwillingness to surrender. I realized that my  addiction to the reactive mind (especially regarding one particular situation), had me in service, not to the principles of peace and Reality, but to a fear-based ego instead; an ego who insists upon seeing itself as being under attack, and in justifying its right to protect itself according to it's own distorted sense of fairness. In other words, I recognized myself as being firmly on the road to Inner Hell.

Sitting there, quietly going through the motions of straightening and aligning the physical body, I called on the Presence, and, as it often does, the Inner Voice, eager to guide and comfort without demanding or interfering, responded with a question:

What would it be like,” I heard, “if you were to respond to your life situation as Abram did, when his nephew, Lot approached him with complaints about crowded conditions and demands for larger pastures for their sheep? Do you remember the words of Abram to Lot in that moment? I looked them up:

“And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren.” And Abram continued in verse nine: “Is not the whole land before thee? Separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.” (Genesis 13: 8-9)

What WOULD it be like?

I imagined what it would be like if I were to …

… spread my arms wide, and like Abram say, “Not my way – but your way. You choose, for we are brothers & sisters, and I am honored to do your bidding …

… be grateful no matter what choices are made by those around me, even if their choices appear to deprive me of the “best” of everything – even if I am left with only piles of stone to call my own, because I have total confidence in Source to supply all my needs.

… trust my own Source of Supply so totally that no question or doubt surfaces – no second guessing, no matter what happens – because my faith in Source is so unequivocal that even ‘selfish choosing' is recognized ultimately as being FOR the highest good of all, and therefore something to be celebrated.

… see my life challenges as simply another opportunity to practice obedience to Life through a willing acceptance of the way things are, and in so-doing, be allowed to experience the Miracles of Abundance that always follow when, through Grace, we surrender to Reality and the Will of Source.

… to be brought to my knees in trembling humility and radical acceptance, witnessing with gratitude and tremendous awe, the work my Creator started in me, and promises to finish.

Again I reached for my Bible, and at random, opened it to Isaiah 48:10 (KJV), and read God's words to the house of Israel, “Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.” Reading further in the same chapter, (verse 17) “Thus saith the Lord, thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the Lord thy God which teacheth thee to profit, which leadeth thee by the way that thou shouldest go.”

I reveled in the reassurance these words offered me. They seemed to promise that even my most troubling moments are part of the work of transformation; I was reminded of how many times progress had come about for me through inner struggle, and about how suffering (usually at my own hands)  seemed to be a necessary part of the refinement-through-crucifixion process that we each must undergo if we are to give up that in us that resists the Will of the Father. My earlier bitter chagrin began to turn to a feeling of gratitude at just how blessed I am to be allowed enough of an understanding to allow me to better cooperate with this necessary crucifixion towards opening my heart in absolute Trust to Reality and Source.

Nonetheless I grieved, for it was painful to watch my own visceral resistance to, and stubborn stance against the One Source of All Being. It seemed that in spite of all my conscious awareness, I was still totally incapable of releasing my painful insistence on standing squarely in the way of Source, blocking the bounty of His company. I suffered to know that it was me, and only me, that was keeping me away from my Inner Beloved.

For it is in assuming this sort of self-responsibility … to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we are the only ones who keep us from the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth that makes transformation possible. We must know without blame, without judgment that it is up to us to say yes to the process of transformation – but saying yes does not mean we can do it for ourselves! The transformation is a total miracle of Grace. It is something done through us, not by our own hand, but by the Hand of Source … however, we must give our permission first. We must say yes to allowing the miracle, to accepting the gift, before we can be be delivered from the personal Hell we create for ourselves.

Sitting in physical alignment on my prayer bench before my altar this morning, with all these feelings and thoughts raging inside me, I slowly and spontaneously began to lift my arms to the heavens, beseeching Universal Help … and gently at first, I began to arch my back in an elongated, slow backward bend. The image came of offering my heart to Source … no … it actually felt more like my heart was being offered, that it was being pushed up from behind,  in a gesture of heart-rending surrender.

The arch that was happening now in my back was much more pronounced and deeper than my usual yoga backbend. I felt altered. A vivid image came to me of being stretched backwards over the horizontal arm on the cross of crucifixion, and my chest reached higher still, arching even more, thrusting the heart upwards in a desperate reach for Source. I wasn't surrendering on my own, I was being surrendered. And I knew that could only happen because, not being able to surrender on my own, I had asked for help, and was being given exactly that … the support I needed to surrender.

Another vivid image arose, I saw my own determined hand, driven by the combination of my wild desire matched by the Intense Longing of my Creator for our merger, reaching in through my chest wall, breaking open my heart cage in search of my own blood red, passionate heart, and once found, raising it as a love offering to Source.

Later, upon reflection, I recalled the moment in my image most vividly, when the horizontal arm of the cross that was holding me in a backwards surrender, suddenly shifted from being the cross of crucifixion to becoming instead, the loving arms of my Inner Beloved, my Creator Source.

To move from crucifixion to new life. To give it all up in trade for abundance, To own resistance and find peace. To hold nothing back and receive it all – these are the paradoxes that move us from Hell to Heaven on Earth.

May it be that we each, you and I, find such complete surrender in the Loving arms of Reality.

Blessings

“How do I meditate?”

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This question is one I am often asked. It prompts my left brain thinking mind to want to come up with a technical analysis and plan, a “how to” manual on meditation. If I did such, perhaps I could  call it, “The Right Way To Meditate. I'm being a bit tongue-in-cheek, and irreverent perhaps; I do not mean to put down meditation. Nothing of the sort. Meditation, and many of its diverse offerings, has been something I've explored since I was eighteen, and is a topic I've read about, tended retreats for, etc. for many years, and I learned much from all of it, I might add.

I do want to dispel a mythical, but wide-spread, belief that says, “Meditation has to be done a certain way, or it does not work” which then swiftly becomes, “… and I must not be doing it right, because it's not working for me.”  Sound familiar?

Often, we start off on the wrong foot, by thinking that meditation is a ‘doing.'  It is not. It is not something we do. It is more like something we “un-do.”

Of course, there are ‘doings‘ that are helpful. There are LOTS of techniques that can provide support as we move towards becoming ‘vessels' or “containers” for that state we call, “meditation.”

For instance, any of the following can help us to align and prepare for that state of inner quietness we seek:  yoga, pranayama, qigong, prayer, chanting, mantras, all these – and including zazen meditation, which is to sit in complete stillness. These are powerful ways to align the physical and the emotional with the spiritual and Source; they are tools for alignment.

Even still we do not come to the inner space we seek with just these alone.

There are other helpers too, worth mentioning; tools such as, visual mandalas, imagery, music, sacred dance, and candle light. These things can serve to set a tone, to create an environment, for our “un-doing.”

This inner place we seek, although we may not know it in the beginning, is found through our willingness to surrender our independent, fear-driven selves to That with which we have intentionally aligned. We align physically and clear mentally, (whatever stands between us and the unimpeded Flow of the Source Current or Holy Spirit), so we can come to a complete state of rest in Source. Only our willingness to implicitly trust that Source is eternally Loving (God is Love), allows the let-go described here. To trust that completely requires we first surrender the fear-based stories that hold us captives in a scary world. (The  process of clearing story is a meditative act.)

Once we have 'emptied,' once we have “undone” the angst provoking chatter of the limited-story mind, then we arrive at the inner space we seek. We become relaxed as sleeping newborns, but consciously so; we are in the aligned relaxation that we can find only in the arms of Source. It is physical rest so complete that no mental noise is heard. We arrive to the sweet melody of silence.

Not until we let go, mentally, emotionally, physically, into that state of complete rest (you may find, as I have, that the body cannot fully relax until the mental chatter ceases). Through alignment, clearing the mental chatter, and surrender,  a merger occurs.

Having become empty of limiting story, we are more like light hollow reeds in a pool of shimmering Goodness, being buoyantly carried along by the Light Current of Source, that flows in, and around, and through, us. We are transformed; inch by inch, moment to moment; we are transmuted into the same Light and Goodness of the Flow that carries us. We become That with which we choose to align.

Through daily connection with Source, we are alchemically altered. Through that everyday surrender we are made anew. The old story of a limited, inadequate, self no longer exists. We become instead, a higher version of  ourselves. We become a Self that chooses Source, and we no longer need the world's approval.

We see Source actively supporting us through our day, and we experience the shining approval from Source that we previously sought through others. Nothing else is needed, except that daily Connection.

Spending regular time with Source takes care of all our needs, so the argument that we, as ego's often like to use, of being too busy or, of having too much to do, to spend precious time with Source, is laughable, once we realize the total rejuvenation and on-the-ground support that Source provides through these times alone together, just the two of us, Source and a fully surrendered Self.

But you will never know these things first hand unless you go there. Find that inner sanctuary, that secret garden, where the Messenger, your Inner Beloved, Source awaits. Once you find it, wild horses cannot drag you away.

This Living Intelligence that is Source walks, not beside us, nor does it lead – Source Current fills us, and flows through us; it  carries us on it's Current to (always) Higher Ground.

May these thoughts serve to encourage your visits to that inner space.

Blessings,

 

Personal Transformation

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Lynne and Isa - December 2005

Lynne - "Before" w/ granddaughter, age 8 months

Lynne “After” w/ same granddaughter, now age 6

 

Someone asked me recently how I saw myself regarding this work. They asked if I think of myself as an “expert,” or as an “authority on victim consciousness.” It was a good question, and I found myself thinking about how I DO see myself.

Of course, the true answer is that how I think of myself in any given moment totally depends on what I am thinking and believing in that moment. So my vision of me can shift dramatically without a moment's notice!

However, when it comes to the process I devote so much time and energy writing and talking about, my vision of me stays pretty consistent. Simply stated, I see myself as a sojourner having a mighty adventure on this journey called life. I see myself as a seeker who has gathered tools, and resources for consciousness in my travels. I see myself as someone who is willing to test out and experiment with these tools for the sake of verification in the laboratory of my personal life. I see myself as someone who has shared with others these tools and resources and observed their effect in their lives too. I see myself as someone who reports on my observation of how consciousness works by writing and sharing those observations with other serious seekers. In short, I see myself as a body pilot (someone who learns through experiencing life) and a reporter!

The rewards have been tremendous! Truly, nothing short of miraculous!

In the photos above I share a visible example of the incredible results that my experiments in consciousness have brought.

The first photo is one taken of me in December of 2005. I call it the “Before shot.” This photo was taken exactly one year before that morning in December 2006 that was to be my deciding moment for aligning with Source everyday towards attaining better health and inner peace. It was that morning that I made a conscious surrender to a daily practice that has ultimately changed my life!

Since then I have practiced applying the tools & resources I'd spent a lifetime gathering on a daily basis. And the results have been profound … as the photos show. Before I knew it I had shed – not just pounds (although I lost about sixty total without dieting!), but more importantly, I began to shed the unhappy, limiting stories I'd carried and lived out for so long. I am truly convinced that the mind shift I experienced was what prompted the weight loss. There have been many other shifts as well – in the way I see and accept the world, as well as in the way I relate to others. (My husband said at one point, “it's like my wife went away to work one day, and you came home in her place – and I LIKE you ALOT!” :))

Beside it is another photo of me that was taken more recently. It is my “After” shot. It's not just the hair color that is different! My whole way of relating to life has shifted through the experiment that I have experienced in my life.

I've outlined the whole experiment in the form of a step by step process of transforming the mind and body that you can read in my book, Guiding Principles for Life Beyond Victim Consciousness. I hope you will read it and share your thoughts and your own process with me here.

I trust that you too can experience dramatic transformation through the application of these methods and tools in your own life.

Blessings, Lynne

 

 

 

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