Learning to Love Ourselves

I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads in agreement -after all, it sounds good – but, if the truth be told, most of us have no idea of how to go about doing this thing called “loving ourselves,” and for many of us the whole idea sounds a bit egotistical and egocentric besides. So what does

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Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle

Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I move through all three roles on the victim triangle in

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Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty

photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can do for themselves is not always helpful. Feeling guilt at

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When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children

photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up post to compare the difference between these two approaches. (This

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Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?

photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of ourselves. Our job is to clarify one from the other.

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