Often stated is some variation of this belief …
“In a healthy, loving relationship, if one partner has a bad day, or gets down for some reason … the other partner should empathize, and try to say or do something to make them feel better.”
Is this true?
“My partner is responsible for fixing my bad moods?” Do I absolutely know that? When I think that how do I act?
My own experience with believing a similar idea was a tendency to use my “bad moods”, on occasion, to get the consolation and caring from my significant other that I wasn't willing to give myself. If I was in a funk and they weren't forthcoming with the support I thought I should be getting, then I would sulk and feel unloved. Thoughts like, “Obviously they don't care …” would bring resentment and frustration and inevitable unhappiness between would result.
This idea that bad days are inevitable and are supposed to be tolerated by my loved ones provided great evidence that others didn't really understand me and weren't supportive.
The reality is … who [I]does[/I] want to hang around with someone whose in a sour mood – especially if they seem to expect us to fix it?
Not to mention that it's VERY contagious to hang out with someone who is in a “bad mood”!
The most loving thing I can do for myself when I am under the spell of such a thought is to question it, rather than indulge it. Indulging such ideas is a rather unkind way to treat myself.
The most caring thing I can do for a loved one if I find myself indulging in a “bad mood” is to give them my full permission and understanding support for choosing not to hang around, indulging a mood that takes me down – and them along with me! Why would I want to subject them to something that furthers neither of us?
This is the “Lynne view” anyway …. 🙂
To be continued…