Holiday Relational Conflict

The Holidays are a time when we find ourselves in close quarters with family members we otherwise may tend to avoid. Having conflicts with loved ones can be stressful and excruciatingly painful.
I find it helpful to remember that the Universe is really working for us by bringing these challenging opportunities. They allow us to see ourselves more clearly.

Here are some things to remind yourself if you find yourself feeling hurt or resentful with a loved one. They may serve to bring you back into alignment ….

1. Remind yourself that your reactions are from and about you … not the other person. This is true every time. Your negative feelings are not about what they did or said … it's what you tell yourself about what they did or said, that determines your state of mind. When we are frustrated with someone, we are being brought into contact with what it is in ourselves that we have not yet forgiven. Our own judgment towards ourselves has been triggered. Relational conflict gives us an opportunity to love ourselves more through the practice of forgiveness – when we choose to do it.

2. Remember, your conflict with others is a reflection of your feelings towards yourself/ Your relationship with yourself is being mirrored to you for your “viewing pleasure”.

3. When others criticize, remind yourself that, yes, even this is a gift (uncomfortable though it may be) of insight. There's only one real reason to react defensively … and that's because there's truth in what's been said. Instead of acting that defensiveness out, look instead for what is true and OWN it – first, to yourself and then, to the other person. Follow your defensive reaction in; find the grain of truth it connects to and then forgive yourself.

4. A great response to someone who criticizes you would be, “Thank you for your honesty … yes, I can see how you would feel that way… I am like that sometimes. I appreciate your support in helping me see that more clearly.”

5. Don't worry if the other person doesn't see the situation the same way you do… That's not necessary or important (except to ego.) If you get into trying to be right, you just fuel the feuding egos. Remember there are no mistakes… these situations arise as opportunities for clearing and healing. Opt to model peace through understanding.

6. These things don't happen TO us, but FOR us (as Byron Katie likes to say). There are no victims. Both of you are being gently prompted towards loving each other and yourselves more. It's not about setting the other person straight or trying to prove that you are right … it's about being kind to yourself by re-establishing your connection with your loved one. Why? Because moving back into a high frequency place with them is the kind and loving thing to do FOR you.

7. Remember that It's ALL story … The other person is operating out of a story and so are you. They, like you, want to be heard and proven right. Question your own story and leave them alone to investigate (or not) their own reactions. That's their business, not yours.

Again, remember – the Universe brought this situation for your witnessing and “viewing pleasure”. You are loved and blessed by a Source who shares your desire to find union with Him. Allow your Higher Self to reign. I know you can.

Have a Blessed Christmas,

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