Two Mental Essentials For Finding Right Relationship …

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Often clients who are sin­gle ask me, “Why can’t I find right rela­tion­ship?” There is much to be said on the sub­ject, but after think­ing it over, I decided to share, what I believe are, two main men­tal essen­tials for find­ing right relationship…

Before I do, let me say that I cer­tainly can relate to the search for right mate … hav­ing spent many years in my ear­lier life look­ing and find­ing, only to find myself once again look­ing for “Mr. Right.” I have also sat in the pres­ence of many, over the years, who shared the depths of their feel­ings of futil­ity, sad­ness and lone­li­ness in their heart­felt desire and resul­tant search for an ‘unfound’ mate, so I am aware of how painful it can be to long for some­one to part­ner us. Please for­give me if it seems I triv­i­al­ize it in any way… I often am reminded that this work is sim­ple — but rarely easy…

So with that said, here are my own ideas about the two men­tal states I believe are essen­tial for send­ing out an energy capa­ble of attract­ing to you the “right relationship.”

1. We must hold the unshak­able inner con­vic­tion that right rela­tion­ship is pos­si­ble for us. Beliefs we hold that tell us that we can’t have what we want, or that we are unlov­able, or unat­trac­tive to oth­ers … as well as any fear we have about rela­tion­ships — that they are dan­ger­ous, for instance … or that we have to give up our­selves to have a mate — cre­ate a neg­a­tive energy that serves as a highly effec­tive bar­rier to right rela­tion­ship — altho it may attract a series of abu­sive ones.

When we are con­fi­dent that love is on the way, we are too busy prepar­ing for it to spend time pin­ing after it. We are totally immersed in the process of lov­ing life and our­selves in life, think­ing and prepar­ing to be the mate for them that we want them to be for us — since we under­stand that we will attract the per­son that best reflects our own state of rela­tion­ship with ourselves.

2. The sec­ond, seem­ingly oppo­site, but nonethe­less equally men­tal essen­tial required for right rela­tion­ship is a com­plete sur­ren­der. We must let go of our demand for rela­tion­ship if it is ever to come to us.

We release to the pos­si­bil­ity that our life path may not include a life mate … and we learn to make peace with that pos­si­bil­ity. I don’t mean we crum­ble into sub­mis­sion … No, the will­ing­ness to sur­ren­der the pos­si­bil­ity of rela­tion­ship means to make peace with life as we have it NOW. Instead of see­ing the“lack” of rela­tion­ship as a main, if not the only, rea­son for our unhap­pi­ness, we shift our per­cep­tion to see­ing life with­out a mate as the best pos­si­ble grow­ing medium for our jour­ney for now!

In other words, we decide to appre­ci­ate life as we have it NOW. We come to see the gift of free­dom, and inde­pen­dence that being solo gives … and we learn to come into a deeper rela­tion­ship with our­selves. We see noth­ing miss­ing .. we are caught up in the expe­ri­ence of hav­ing a rich rela­tion­ship with Life and with all those it brings to us.

Sur­ren­der is the only way we will find rela­tion­ship with our Inner Beloved too. When we sur­ren­der to Life being exactly right for us right now, just as it is, we are opened to the Love of our Inner Beloved that comes to be every bit as real and vivid as any we might have with a flesh and blood man.

Bal­anc­ing these two ener­gies, that of believ­ing it’s pos­si­ble for right rela­tion­ship blended with the will­ing­ness to sur­ren­der the demand for it alto­gether, may seem impos­si­ble, but they actu­ally work together nicely. The inte­gra­tion of these two ener­gies might be reflected in the fol­low­ing state­ment: “I am so blessed and for­tu­nate to have the free­dom and inde­pen­dence of sin­gu­lar­ity; it gives me time to really build my inner rela­tion­ship with Source … so that when the time comes for the right per­son to show up, I will be ready to have, on the exter­nal plane with that per­son, what I have already found on the inner plane with my Inner Beloved. All is good.”

One other point I’d like to make here: To make peace with being “still sin­gle after all these years” means let­ting go of any judg­ment that says “I didn’t do it right,” and to stop tor­ment­ing our­selves with tales of how the Uni­verse has deprived us of a life mate … We can know sim­ply and directly because the evi­dence is clear: if we don’t have a mate, it’s because we are not sup­posed to have one. End of sen­tence. It is not a prob­lem, it is not a pun­ish­ment, it most cer­tainly does not deter­mine our worth. Real­ity rules.

And Real­ity is always FOR us — it is never vin­dic­tive, nor does it try to be unkind, but it does NOT deal in coin­ci­dence. It is always pur­pose­ful in it’s design to reflect to us our present state of rela­tion­ship with our­selves, the Cos­mos, and the world around us. When we make peace with Real­ity we begin to real­ize that we already have the per­fect Friend, and Lover — it is our Inner Beloved that is what we’re really look­ing for in our worldly rela­tion­ships anyway!

The two states of con­scious­ness listed above are what we prac­tice if we want to attract to us the rela­tion­ship of our dreams. But don’t take my word for it … start here and try it and let me know what happens.



3 Responses

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