Often clients who are single ask me, “Why can’t I find right relationship?” There is much to be said on the subject, but after thinking it over, I decided to share, what I believe are, two main mental essentials for finding right relationship…
Before I do, let me say that I certainly can relate to the search for right mate … having spent many years in my earlier life looking and finding, only to find myself once again looking for “Mr. Right.” I have also sat in the presence of many, over the years, who shared the depths of their feelings of futility, sadness and loneliness in their heartfelt desire and resultant search for an ‘unfound’ mate, so I am aware of how painful it can be to long for someone to partner us. Please forgive me if it seems I trivialize it in any way… I often am reminded that this work is simple — but rarely easy…
So with that said, here are my own ideas about the two mental states I believe are essential for sending out an energy capable of attracting to you the “right relationship.”
1. We must hold the unshakable inner conviction that right relationship is possible for us. Beliefs we hold that tell us that we can’t have what we want, or that we are unlovable, or unattractive to others … as well as any fear we have about relationships — that they are dangerous, for instance … or that we have to give up ourselves to have a mate — create a negative energy that serves as a highly effective barrier to right relationship — altho it may attract a series of abusive ones.
When we are confident that love is on the way, we are too busy preparing for it to spend time pining after it. We are totally immersed in the process of loving life and ourselves in life, thinking and preparing to be the mate for them that we want them to be for us — since we understand that we will attract the person that best reflects our own state of relationship with ourselves.
2. The second, seemingly opposite, but nonetheless equally mental essential required for right relationship is a complete surrender. We must let go of our demand for relationship if it is ever to come to us.
We release to the possibility that our life path may not include a life mate … and we learn to make peace with that possibility. I don’t mean we crumble into submission … No, the willingness to surrender the possibility of relationship means to make peace with life as we have it NOW. Instead of seeing the“lack” of relationship as a main, if not the only, reason for our unhappiness, we shift our perception to seeing life without a mate as the best possible growing medium for our journey for now!
In other words, we decide to appreciate life as we have it NOW. We come to see the gift of freedom, and independence that being solo gives … and we learn to come into a deeper relationship with ourselves. We see nothing missing .. we are caught up in the experience of having a rich relationship with Life and with all those it brings to us.
Surrender is the only way we will find relationship with our Inner Beloved too. When we surrender to Life being exactly right for us right now, just as it is, we are opened to the Love of our Inner Beloved that comes to be every bit as real and vivid as any we might have with a flesh and blood man.
Balancing these two energies, that of believing it’s possible for right relationship blended with the willingness to surrender the demand for it altogether, may seem impossible, but they actually work together nicely. The integration of these two energies might be reflected in the following statement: “I am so blessed and fortunate to have the freedom and independence of singularity; it gives me time to really build my inner relationship with Source … so that when the time comes for the right person to show up, I will be ready to have, on the external plane with that person, what I have already found on the inner plane with my Inner Beloved. All is good.”
One other point I’d like to make here: To make peace with being “still single after all these years” means letting go of any judgment that says “I didn’t do it right,” and to stop tormenting ourselves with tales of how the Universe has deprived us of a life mate … We can know simply and directly because the evidence is clear: if we don’t have a mate, it’s because we are not supposed to have one. End of sentence. It is not a problem, it is not a punishment, it most certainly does not determine our worth. Reality rules.
And Reality is always FOR us — it is never vindictive, nor does it try to be unkind, but it does NOT deal in coincidence. It is always purposeful in it’s design to reflect to us our present state of relationship with ourselves, the Cosmos, and the world around us. When we make peace with Reality we begin to realize that we already have the perfect Friend, and Lover — it is our Inner Beloved that is what we’re really looking for in our worldly relationships anyway!
The two states of consciousness listed above are what we practice if we want to attract to us the relationship of our dreams. But don’t take my word for it … start here and try it and let me know what happens.