Recently I’ve been exploring whether I really want to teach body-prayer (this is the term that came into my mind when I asked what to call it) … is it something I’m being prompted to do or something I feel I should do? Is it ego driven or Source prompted?
I’ve gone back and forth.
When I think about teaching it in any sort of structured, formal way, all sorts of resistance comes up in me. Questions like, do I really have the energy to set up and teach body-prayer? Do I even have enough of a model formulated to pass on to others? Is there a desire and need for it out there? Is it the most effective way for me, as this particular life expression, to serve? Am I a vehicle aptly designed for that purpose? Do I have enough vocabulary and skill to make passing it on to others comprehendable or even possible?
These are some of the questions I ask myself and I hear myself say no to several of them …. No, I don’t really WANT to take the time and energy to develop whole new strategies for sharing a body process …
So I am in this unfolding process with body-prayer … and I notice I seem to want to let the idea of teaching it go – Yeah … I think I will just keep it personal – keep it to myself for my own rejuvenation and evolving consciousness purposes…. it’s just too much effort and besides, there are SO many body clearing practices out there already being taught by those much more knowledgeable than I am!
So, thinking that's settled … I then find myself talking to my family and clients about it. I can't seem to let it go.
During my practice, I notice I am constantly imagining how to teach this particular thing or playing with words and phrases in an effort to develop a vocabulary for describing this body-prayer process that I am experiencing. Sometimes I hear instructions in my head for it … as if I’m being taught about how to teach it. I even find myself talking to other dancers and yoga instructors about it … and a couple of professionals have offered opportunities for me to format a class or workshop around it.
Still … I have yet to fully open to it … I continue in the vacillation between yes and no….
I don't mean to come across as if I am complaining – I don't see this as a problem … but as a process. I can let it be that. I'm in no hurry to know the outcome – that is, until I attach belief to some thought that says I need to DECIDE RIGHT NOW! Then I can get a bit impatient … accuse myself of being flighty… of being unfocused, unsure … blah blah….
I should know what I want to do right now … is that true? 🙂
As I explore these stories that want to rush or pressure me, I smile … and begin to relax. I can let this unfold however it does. I do not know where it will go, if anywhere. Whatever happens will be wonderful, of that I am sure.
I do however, find it amusing that I seem to tell myself one thing and then its opposite happens through me.
This reminds me that I am not in charge. I guess it's not entirely (or at all) up to me whether I will teach body-prayer … I can, and probably will, go on debating it even as it either proceeds to be taught – Or NOT – through me.
Thank you for taking time to read this through.