We teach others how to treat us

anger (for Kiriakos Korakis-korax67)   :)
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Having come from a family of much dysfunction: addiction, rage, depression, etc., I understand first hand the experience that comes from feelings of hopeless desperation.

The insanity in my own life did not begin to diminish until I started noticing, and taking responsibility for, the way I interacted with others, until I recognized that my reactions to life were, in fact, a main cause of the pain I felt. Ultimately I had to realize that I was the author of my own pain; I had to see that my unhappiness was not caused by my life circumstances, but that I alone, me and my rhoughts, were the cause of my misery.

I think the first big realization for most of us as we begin to walk the path out of victim consciousness is this: Others do not cause my pain. The way I think about others does.

This basic truth applies to all situations in life. Understanding and practicing this basic truth in all our relations changes our whole style of interaction. It is a truth based on a simple, yet profound guiding principle which is this: the world is a mirror.

Yes, I mean literally. The sole job of the world outside of us, that which we think of as ‘external reality,' is to reflect the universal mind that is us. This is true on the personal as well as on the collective level.

Here's how it works:

We manifest what we believe in life. Whatever we believe we come to expect, we attract what we believe by the way we think, feel and act.

Take the example of an abusive relationship for instance:

There is a saying I use often; it goes, “we teach people how to treat us.”

That means that whatever we believe we deserve (not what we deserve, but what we think we deserve), is what we unconsciously look for and attract from others.

When we believe we are undeserving, unlovable, unappreciated, etc, we feel and act as if that's true. In doing so, we inadvertently act in ways that send cues to others about how we expect to be treated. In other words, they learn to treat us the way we treat ourselves. That is, they mirror, or reflect to us the nature of our relationship with ourself.



10 Responses

  1. There’s so much power to be gained from your writing. I spent years fighting the demons that I created from dealing with the emotional problems of others. In most ways, I was defeated by my reactions and my life was a constant repeat of the past .

    There’s a great peace to be found when you realize how wonderful you really are. It lights up your soul and the light leads you to contentment.

  2. Michael Brown’s book, The Presence Process, is very much in line with this approach. He is familiar with my work, and is someone I think of as a personal friend. Thanks for recommending him Kate.

  3. Claire, I want to also say how glad I am to see you found yourself here. When we can begin to see that life is not out to get us, but is actually working on our behalf, waking us up to learning the wisdom from our “upsets” we are on a new journey of discovery. We were all born into a world that taught us to instantly suppress our emotions and suppression is the exact opposite of radical acceptance. There is a book called “The Presence Process” by Michael Brown that enables one to learn the journey back to this radical acceptance. It may prove to also be of great assistance to you at this time. Again, so happy you are here! Kate

  4. My therapist recomendid your web site to me in my session this morning. I am amazed at the wealth of information you have written about that fits my problems.
    We were exploring “Radical Acceptance” and that 90% of our upsets are more about our history than it is about the situation at hand.
    I skipped card playing this P.M because of wanting to learn more from you.
    I am 83 and hope to finally know who I am and why I have been unhappy for most of those years.

    1. thank you claire, i saw your comment and at 83 when written means their is HOPE FOR ME AT 56YRS. keep up the good work & most of all thank you lynne , hope to visit one day..

  5. You are welcome Kate. Thank you for your fertile receptivity to this work. It appears to be bearing tremendous fruit in you already! 🙂 Blessings,

  6. Yes, I have experienced many many years of resistance to this truth which greatly enhanced and embellished my mind-set of victimhood. Now that I acknowledge my reflection in my world, I find great joy in finding a way for myself to act responsibly in it…by taking responsibility for what I do attract into my life and fully embracing it, learning from it, feeling through it and finding transformation. We truly are all connected to one another and seeing the not-so-fun reflection in my so called “ememy” in the face and behaviors of others and inviting it to kiss me on the cheek instead of kicking it to the curb is real PEACE, Thank you for bringing forward this freeing truth.

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