When you find yourself on the Victim Triangle™

Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs License by stevenjude

When you find yourself feeling polarized and highly reactive towards another person or situation, you can rest assured that you're on the Victim Triangle™.

What do you do about it?

1. To get off the Victim Triangle™ first of all be willing to take 100% responsibility for yourself. This means stop blaming!

2. Nobody wins as long as the interaction between you and others is taking place on the triangle. You merely switch roles from persecutor to victim to rescuer and vice-versa, as long as you are on the Victim Triangle™. There can be no peace or harmony in that – so commit to getting honest about your part.

3. Learn to recognize your own primary reacting pattern so you can take action more quickly. Owning where you are is a powerful first step to moving out of victim-hood. (Remember anytime you're on the triangle, you're in victim-hood.)

4. Look within to what the beliefs are that are keeping you on the Victim Triangle™ and question them. It's your stressful beliefs that keep you in victim-hood. Use Byron Katie's four question process to facilitate the necessary inner shift required to move away from victim-hood.

2 Responses

  1. Thank you, John for noticing the missing word and you are right, it should read, “Sometimes guilt just means that we’ve brken a dysfunctional family rule.” 🙂

  2. Lynne: Re: The 3 Faces of Victim:
    Under “Painful Beliefs Rule–2nd paragraph: “Sometimes guilt just means that we’ve broken a dysfunctional family(there is no period so I am wondering if a word is missing ?)
    I am guessing the word is “rule”–I would appreciate your help. This article was fantastic. Thank you.
    John Nelson
    Peoria, Illinois
    [email protected]

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