The Victim Addiction

Mary Threatens Escape
Creative Commons License photo credit: Lomo-Cam

Victim consciousness is the number one addiction that underlies all addictions … which may at least partially explain why it is so hard for some of us to take space from those who abuse us.

We are commonly addicted to being on the victim triangle with one another; we are addicted to rescuing (trying to control their outcomes), and persecuting others (when they don't cooperate). We see others as victims that need us. And then we feel victimized by them when they don't utilize or appreciate our help. We want to get even with them, or ‘show them' when they don't go along with our plan.

In other words, our whole relationship with many of the people in our lives takes place on the victim triangle where we are addicted to our dysfunctional roles with one another. And as is true with all addictions, we suffer painful consequences as a result.

Self-responsibility is the key to healthier functioning. Self-responsibility means that we stop blaming others for our problems, and our unhappiness. But it does not mean that we then turn the blame onto ourselves! That does not help – but only serves to drive us deeper into denial of our part.

To move out of our addiction to victim we must recognize our own limiting mind-set that keeps us there. We come to see that the things we accuse others of are the things we have not forgiven ourselves for. We take responsibility for coming into a kinder relationship with ourselves. Self-responsibility means self-acceptance which can only come about as we see clearly how it is that our own thoughts are what holds us prisoner in victim – NOT the world at large.



3 Responses

  1. Thank you for your comments Lynne and your continuing words, I so enjoy them.

    Have you read David Emerald’s book, The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)? It is a small book with a big message, there is an escape from the drama triangle.

    Take a look at his website and let me know what you think. http://www.powerofted.com.

    thanks again,

    1. Thank you Kathy, Yes, I am familiar with David’s great book! 🙂 My own book, Guiding Principles for Life Beyond Victim Consciousness will be available on Amazon.com by this time next week! It is a step by step process of moving out of victim consciousness into what I call observer consciousness. Hope you will check it out too! And if you don’t want to wait until you can order it in print, you can purchase it as an ebook and even read the first three chapters free by clicking here

  2. I know something very profound and life changing has been revealed to me, I had to feel the painful reality of my limited mind-set before I could accept the truth. The truth truly does set us free!

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