Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle

Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves?

As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I move through all three roles on the victim triangle in relating to myself

The very thought, “I should be different than I am” is a way of persecuting myself. With tht thought comes the implication that who I am is not good enough or that there is something wrong with me. Hurling unkind accusations at myself of not being good enough, of being a failure, of being unacceptable to Source, is me as persecutor on the triangle and leaves me feeling beat down and victimized by my own mental cruelty.

Immediately, automatically, as soon as I persecute by accusing and belittling myself, I become my own victim.

As a victim of myself I suffer and eagerly seek relief. I long to escape from my own unkindness. I am in need of a rescue. And so I look for ways to rescue myself.

Usually my self-rescue comes in one of two ways: either I adopt a rigorous self-improvement scheme, designed to “fix me,” and bring me up to code, OR, (usually when that fails to work) I fall completely off the “self-refinement wagon” and resort to the practice of some kind of mind-numbing activity, or habit, like bingeing on sweets, or going on a shopping spree, or, in times past, by using alcohol or drugs to ease the pain caused by my own relentless tirade against myself.

When all else fails I resort to rescuing me by persecuting you. I project my faults and all the things I find unacceptable about me onto you and then berate you for them! That way, it not only takes the heat off of me, it also leaves me feeling superior to you. Ahhhh … the bitter sweetness of such a rescue!

The truth may very well be that all victim triangles start at home; they originate within our own minds by the way we treat ourselves. Therefore self-forgiveness is essential if we are ever to escape victim consciousness.

Read my book, Guiding Principles For Life Beyond Victim Consciousness for detailed instruction on moving off the victim triangle.

Blessings, Lynne

11 Responses

  1. Wow! I finally found a site with real insight. Thank you. I have been journaling this and had realized how much we persecute ourselves and find substitutes to make us “feel” better, which do not work. I find that a rooted wound or sin of the past makes us weak and vulnerable to evil spirit(s) that torment us, especially when we feel of little value. And I also think that we tend to develop a sense of self loathing over ourselves. And then, in this vicious circle and vexing spirit, we turn on others as well. That old saying, “misery loves company” reminds me of the evil one who wants to take the “mankind” that God has created down into the formless, darkness and void with him. The more understanding of this that I learn, reveals the deeper thoughts that propagates these behaviors. And in this, I now can begin to separate the Light from the darkness, the truth from the lie, the precious from the worthless and the man from the beast. That being said, and understood and acted upon then prepares me to enter into the 7th day (only man is called out of the 6th day to enter into the 7th day of God’s rest, Hebrews 4).

    1. Thank you for sharing your perspective. This work does indeed allow us to separate the darkness created by the lies we suffer from the Light of Reality. Blessings,

  2. I believe I am starting to connect with the “Victim Triangle”. I have a lot of work to do to get to the “real knowledge” I hope the search doesn’t become addictive. Must get away from the “machine”

  3. I believe it takes time to see that our lives have been “veiled” by this Lie from the beginning and that we have swallowed it hook line and sinker quite unconsciously. Everything and anyone who touched us from the moment we came out of our mother’s womb has been contaminated by it. When one realizes how pervasive it is, I believe then at this time of realization we begin our detachment from it by exercising our free will/choice of believing the Truth – that we have been stamped “approved” and never ever to be seen again as anything less.

  4. Thanks for sharing this profound insight, Lynne. It is easier to be aware of the persecution triangle when it involves more than one person. We see the interplay of ourselves with others. We see the interplay of others reacting amongst them. Now, with your understanding of inner exploration and human nature, we can apply another perspective to the Victim Triangle–ourselves! There are different degrees of “beating up oneself”. It is all about witnessing–ourselves, our actions, our thoughts, our reactions. When we travel deep enough into the Abyss to explore all aspects of self, we dance with who we are not to discover who we really are: Self…Soul…and when we KNOW that…we feel on a cellular level–in every part of us–that yes, we are good enough.

  5. Hello Ruthie, Yes, and that which “is seeking to devour”us, that you call here “the enemy,” is none other than our own wounded self, or what I call our “victim ego” that originates from the collection of distorted ideas about ourselves and the world that we adopt in childhood and follow blindly.

    To see it otherwise is to feel at the mercy of it and therefore victim to it and only perpetuates the victim triangle.

  6. Lynne,
    Interesting new revelation regarding the victim triangle. I have found that the enemy who is responsible for the internal verbal assaults, speaks to us in our own voices. Otherwise, we could quickly dismiss it and move on. Crafty and deceptive is he that is seeking to devour!

  7. That lie from the garden – “You’re not good enough”- will try and trip us up in such a myriad of ways. And the One Who knit these hearts of ours together says to us, “Who told you that you are naked and should feel ashamed?” comes to remind us and remove the veil of that Lie from our eyes telling us once more, ” I made you in My image!”. I am seeing more clearly than ever that believing the Lie keeps us on the triangle. It is what gives the roles on the triangle fodder to live.

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