I understand how difficult this concept that we are at the mercy of life is to shift … Let me elaborate even more….
Yes, things change in life … there are losses and transitions … things fall apart and break and die … all of this is true. It's reality. I certainly don't mean to imply that we should or shouldn't have feelings about any of it ….
What I am saying is that none of the things that happen in my life or around me cause my feelings. It's my thinking and only my thinking that causes my feelings … or moods – every time.
You ask, “Does it not trivialize major things, sad, heartwrenching, or life changing things, to say, well, you still should be totally up, never be affected by these things….”
The question I would ask in response is this …
“It trivializes life changing events that happen in my life if I don't get sad, frustrated, anxious or depressed about them …” is that true?
Or, “I am not taking them as seriously as I should if I don't feel bad because they happened?” Do I know that absolutely?
Personally, I have found no evidence that it is natural or particularly healthy to believe these thoughts. And besides, I'm not sure they are true.
Yes, they are widely believed … and therefore considered “normal” in our world … we've noticed they are widely accepted ideas … but this does not mean we are required to feel bad because things change or dissolve.
There's no right or wrong about it. I will feel according to my thoughts about it …. end of story. I am, after all, free to feel whatever I choose!
Now … maybe I will feel bad … for instance, if I lose something to which I am particularly attached. But I'm clear about one thing… and that is that what is causing my down feelings is not the loss itself. What creates my sadness is what I tell myself about what losing it means!
What I do with those thoughts is my business. I may choose to experience them. I can certainly learn from them if I choose to experience them consciously. I can also believe them without questioning my thoughts and that belief will bring me down.
I can choose to see myself as at the mercy of these feelings or I can examine them closely and opt for a higher frequency perception. It's up to me. That's my whole point. NO SHOULD or SHOULDN'T about it! Just awareness that I have an ever present choice about how I feel right now, regardless of what has happened to or around me!
Every single happening has both a positive as well as negative effect. Death is a blessing as well as a sad passing. There's nothing I have ever lost that I cannot look back and see blessings that came as a result.
This subtle, but definite shift in perception puts me in charge of my life. It gives me the freedom to choose my moods through a process of questioning my blindly accepted precepts.
I invite you to engage in questioning these concepts as long as it takes to shift perception from seeing life as the cause of feelings to understanding that life happenings cannot cause our feelings – only our thoughts about these life events make us feel. This powerful, seemingly subtle shift moves us from victim to FREEdom.