Believing We’re Unlovable


Creative Commons License photo credit: Symic

The worst part of believing that we are unlovable is that we start acting the part. In so doing, we interact with others in ways that end up proving to us that our belief is true.

We become people who act in ways that are hard to appreciate.

We become someone who is difficult to love.

We go on believing and behaving in ways that reinforce our low opinion of ourself, having no idea that that's what we're doing!

We feel sorry for ourselves for being “unloved victims of an uncaring world” when in reality we are trapped in our own untrue beliefs.

4 Responses

  1. Hi Tracy, Thank you for posting your comments.
    Yes, as rescuers we tend to believe that we are important only if & when we are taking care of others. Usually we learn this in childhood. Perhaps we had a parent who modeled rescuing behavior for us or perhaps we felt responsible for the well being of a parent we perceived to be unhappy or needy. Have you read my article, entitled “The Faces of Victim” yet? I highly recommend it as a way to gain more insight into these dynamics. I am glad you found my blog.

  2. Lynne,
    Thanks for posting on this issue….I too suffer from these negative beliefs….
    I only stumbled on this blog and i have been reading all the other previous posts and i realized that the reason i have been acting a rescuer in all my relationships is because i have negative beliefs about a lot of aspects in my life….i am still soul searching and trying to understand my feelings and why i feel the the way i feel….
    I am learning a lot and i am grateful for all that you are sharing…
    For me the negative beliefs relate around the fact that i do not feel confident with who i am and wether i can actually have good things happening in my life…i am trying to learn why this is so…

  3. Hi Sean,
    Negative beliefs, such as believing we are unlovable, become self-fulfilling prophecies.

    The ego or wounded aspect of us is the part of us that invests in
    such lies (and lies they are). As long as ego can keep us convinced that such beliefs are true, it can rule over and control our minds. This is why ego has us acting in ways that verify these negative beliefs; it is constantly looking to gather evidence for them.

    Ego is not interested in our personal peace or happiness; it only want vindication.

    To counter such “ego attacks” we learn to connect with that part of us that IS interested in personal happiness – the observer-self, who witnesses and questions these painfully limiting beliefs as a way to detach from (rather than resist) them.

    This is key to obtaining freedom from such painful beliefs.

  4. Dear Lynne,
    I’d love to read anything more you have on this particular topic. This core issue is one I suffer with most. Look forward to similar posts.

    Thanks for all you do…

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