What exactly IS a ‘Victim Pattern” and What Makes You Think I Have One?

Most often when we think of the term, “victim,” we think of an innocent someone who has been tragically “struck down” by an abuser, or by life circumstances. Most of us don't consider ourselves to be victims of any sort!

However there is another meaning for the term “victim,” that perhaps the term, “victim consciousness” describes better. We are in victim consciousness anytime we attribute cause to something outside ourselves for our present state of well-being. When we say or think thoughts like, “He made me do it, she made me feel bad, they kept me from …” etc. we are in a victim state of consciousness that blames the outside world for our own unhappiness.

The truth is, most of us move in and out of a victim state of mind all day long!

A victim pattern is the habituated mind-set that we operate out of that is made up of core beliefs we blindly believe that keep us feeling at the mercy of life. Most humans have an unconscious victim pattern that not only controls us mentally, but also is worn physically! Our very postures reflect it when we are in victim consciousness.

The Core Belief Intensives are a two day event where the work focuses on uncovering our own victim patterns and learning ways to intervene on them!

Let me share just one of the hundreds of success stories that have taken place through this process.

This example is about Jim (not his real name), a participant who came to the two day Core Belief Intensive struggling with feelings of inadequacy and failure. He reported that he could see himself repeating the same self-destructive pattern at various jobs of  getting angry and walking off the job, ultimately because he felt unappreciated, angry, misunderstood, and inadequate. Jim knew already that walking away was a pattern, but knowing it had not changed the pattern. He felt at the mercy of an unhappy dynamic which he felt powerless to change. He was stuck in victim consciousness!

Over the course of the two day process, Jim uncovered the origin of his own victim pattern. The process of getting in touch with, and learning how to intervene on, his self-destructive pattern changed his whole life!

During the retreat, Jim shared an early memory of a situation that occurred when he was five years old. It was the first time he ran away from a stressful situation. His dad had been helping him build something of wood; he grew impatient with Jim, angrily telling him what to do. The more Jim struggled to follow his dad's demanding instructions, the more clumsy and awkward he became. Suddenly his dad blew up at Jim, telling him how stupid he was, and berated him for being a “total idiot who can't do anything right!”

Jim, at  age five, made a life decision in that moment. He decided that no matter how hard he tried he could not do it right! And he also decided what he needed to do about it! That morning, in a five year old fit of desperation, Jim threw down the tool he'd been trying to master, and stormed away from his dad and the project.

But what really nailed it for Jim was how his father handled his walk-out. His dad said nothing at all to him about the incident! The next time Jim saw his dad, his dad acted as if nothing had happened. In Jim's mind, it worked! And it became his default strategy for dealing with difficulty of all kinds.

Jim had decided that dad, and all authority figures, could be expected to attack and rebuke.  And he learned to handle all authority figures the same way he had handled his dad! Even though this style of defense actually created more negative consequences for him, Jim had never recognized it as an ongoing pattern until now. It had never occurred to him that this self-sabotaging pattern had anything at all to do with a childhood decision he had made and never questioned. It was his victim pattern.

Finding his victim pattern helped Jim begin to see his part in playing out this misery-making pattern.  He began to see how he participated in the dynamic by acting in ways that unconsciously drew fire down on himself from his bosses – by doing and saying things (including stomping off the job in a huff) that invited disapproval from his boss.

For instance, Jim came to see how he often perceived even gentle feedback from his boss as attack (because that's what he expected). He recognized that his reaction was produced not as much from what his bosses were doing, as much as from the things he told himself about what his boss was doing. In short, he came to see how he was holding himself in a victim pattern, and learn how to move out of that patterned victim reaction in relation with others. He learned to question his misery-generating story, rather than blindly believe, and react from it.

Now, several months later, he stood before me, with a radiant smile and shared about the tremendous shifts he was experiencing, not only at work, but also in his primary relationships at home, as well. It was obvious that he had moved from feeling chronically at the mercy of critical and uncaring bosses to living a fully supported and positive life.

As we finished our conversation and he started to leave, he suddenly turned back to me for a final word, “By the way,” he said, “I just got a big promotion at work with permission to pursue my own project idea! Jim was no longer stuck in his old victim pattern!

Of course, this example with Jim is just one of the many accounts that others share with us about the powerful changes they have experienced through the application of this process. Every day people who have been deeply touched by this process share with us about how their ways of perceiving and responding to life has dramatically shifted, bringing increased inner peace, and greater harmony with self and others.

The tools we share are simple, (though not necessarily easy). Anyone can achieve peace of mind. Inner happiness is available for any of us who are willing to pick up and use the tools we teach. The tools and resources we share throughout the “Healing Our Victim Pattern” retreats are not so much for those who need it (for God knows, we ALL need them!), but for those who are ready to dramatically change their life for the better. This two day retreat is designed to be a crash course in consciousness that will transform your whole being.

If you are sick and tired of living limited versions of a life unexpressed, if you are ready to recognize and accept full responsibility for creating the life you say you want, if you are ready to give up your own victim patterns, then you are ready for this two-day course!

Are you ready to make that shift? I will gladly meet you where you are and walk with you towards greater peace and harmony!

Come participate in a journey of transformation that will rock your world!

Blessings, Lynne

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One Response

  1. I guess my struggle is with learning not to be such a black and white person. I learned early that things were either wrong or right, and there was no half way. I find criticism hard to live with, though I do my best to hear it. And naturally also find positive feedback even harder. Right now I’m pondering on whether to respond to a friends blog, where he has posted something that isn’t quite accurate. Why do I need to correct him? Can’t I leave him to make his own mistakes? Do I always have to be right? No I guess I’m learning not. The concern behind that correction is partly that I don’t want him to be seen as silly…but is it my responsibility to put that right? No…. Perhaps learning to be kind to myself might teach me to be kinder to others…that is a learning too… :o)

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