Ending a Relationship Consciously

Come Together
Creative Commons License photo credit: h.koppdelaney

I have a friend who recently ended her relationship with a man she'd been intimately involved with for some time.

She told him:

I stayed with you until I was at peace with what you could offer. I questioned my need for you to give me more and came to accept that what you offered was perfect – that the quality of our time together reflected how little time, approval and acceptance I had for me.

I realized I want to be kinder to myself – and so I am leaving. I have decided to give myself these things (time, approval and acceptance) that I thought you were supposed to give me, therefore I no longer need you to mirror my lack thereof.

I leave you without feelings of hurt or resentment. I have given up my need to gather proof that you somehow failed me. Instead I move on, open and excited about what life holds in store for me, and trusting that what comes next will be as wonderful as what we once had together. No – even better!

I said to her:

You are leaving, so it must be time to go. He has been a wonderful teacher for you of your relationship with yourself. What tremendous gifts he has given you towards greater self-understanding! What success! Go forward in peace and feel the loving support the Universe offers you each step of the way.

This is an example of what a conscious separation looks like.


4 Responses

  1. Dear Lynne

    This response you shared is like seeing the tunnel of light at the end of a twisted dark tunnel.
    I learned something new today.. reading your response somehow brought be back into now… feeling light, alive with awareness.
    Your answer has hit its target and i see so much of beauty and awe in this.

    With Lots and lots and lots of love.

  2. Rahul, you ARE catching on! 🙂 I think you’re right, the words “even better,” DO point to the inevitability of another level of drama for my friend, a new relationship story!

    Story is all there is! It’s what humans do! Humans accrue a set of beliefs, their story, about themselves and relationship which they then project onto others. Creating and projecting story is the process we call life, and it is a process that was designed to show us in visible form what our beliefs are. In other words, life is the movie we project out of the stories we hold. Our relationship dramas are the perfect vehicle for helping us make these beliefs/stories visible.

    The amount of time my friend spends on the Triangle in her next relationship will depend on her degree of consciousness. Consciousness elevates our vibrational frequency, so the more conscious she is, the higher the vibrational frequency will be of her next relationship.

    It’s the vibrational frequency that matters. Because my friend appears to be gathering consciousness as she goes, it is likely that her next relationship will indeed be a “better” one, i.e., more conscious and therefore of a higher frequency than her previous one, which means she will spend less time in a State of Victimhood.

    Nonetheless, it is also likely that she will indeed spend some time on the Victim Triangle in her next relationship – success here is not measured by her ability to completely avoid the Triangle (a daunting , if not impossible, task); success is measured by how quickly she recognizes when she’s on the Triangle and how long it takes her to get off! (a matter of consciousness)

    It is inevitable that as my friend grows, as her consciousness expands, and as she continues to apply what she learns, she will live less and less often in a State of Victimhood. Such is the goal for us all!

    As they say in twelve step programs, “It’s about progress, not perfection”.

    I see this young woman on the road to freedom – the freedom that results from recognizing and using relationship as a valid, and sacred, vehicle for evolving consciousness.

    Thank you for sharing, Rahul. As usual, I so appreciate your feedback!

  3. Instead I move on, open and excited about what life holds in store for me, and trusting that what comes next will be as wonderful as what we once had together. No – even better!

    That No- even better … the comparison with the past and the ! makes me wonder if this is a script into another drama-triangle…

    Love and Regards
    – the outspoken and more often than not, out of turn- Rahul

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