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I found the “Bad Seed” …

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We all have belief systems that are based on an often inherited lineage of beliefs that run in our family and comes down to us through our DNA. Uncovering these belief systems without needing to fix, eradicate, deny, or judge them even, allows us to bring them to consciousness. It is the act of shining the relentless light of consciousness on these belief systems that refines us. Below is a description of my own belief system, parts of which, I dare say, you may well recognize and relate to … but that's just my guess … ūüėČ

“I Am Bad”: A Sample Belief System

I found the “I am bad seed” within me today. It was buried beneath layers of smurky darkness, gathered into a single knot. I pinpointed it at its' very start – there where it dominates over my heart.

It said: “I committed some unforgivable wrong, which¬†completely taints and covers my creative song. I am punished, and deserve to be. With nowhere to belong and no place to hide, I stand rejected, and left behind. I am deserted, but nothing more do I deserve. Thoughts of forgiveness are absurd, because I am to blame. It is my fault and I¬†will not receive¬†anything good or right. I can never have what I want, because I blew it before I was even born. I don't remember what I did, or why, that part remains unclear … but this I fear, and surely know; I have done the thing that cannot be forgiven, and deserve to die. It's truly only Universal Compassion that allows me to abide.”

“I'm bad” along with all the thought bubbles that go with it, swirl round in my head, saying things like, “I”m ruined, and in deep despair … I'm forever damaged and unforgivable, but how can I say it's unfair? It is after all my fault, There is no hope for me, and though I may deserve to die I am not ready! I will to LIVE! ¬†Woe on me for failing to accept my just punishment for the failure I am. But I cannot help it, nor ¬†put aside my desire to live, to love, to find respite – and to me, believing thusly, this line of thinking further proves my inferiority – more evidence I must hide. What will it take for me to swallow my pride – to confess my wrong, and pay the price?” It is too much for me … I cannot do it … I refuse. See how rebellious, how I insist on my wrong doing. I am bad to the bone.”

“So then … never mind how unlovable I am, how unforgiven; never mind how rejected, or undeserving, in spite of being forever unforgivable and deserving of suffering., I will do what I must to survive – even it if means I must be as bad as ‘they' say (who they are I cannot name, only a lasting impression that I stand condemned …), so I will rudely push them away – I am hell-bent to keep the world at bay. They don't want to be with me anyway. I'll give them one chance to love me anyway ¬†… to debunk my thesis … I will¬†put them to the test. Will they split or will they last? Their reaction will tell me all that I need to know”; but in the end it only reinforces everything I have come to believe … about the bad, sinful me.”

The only thing it really shows is how I set you up to¬†help me to verify the lie I unwittingly believe. It's an unhappy lie I committed my life to believing a long time back, before I knew the truth, before I had the facts. It's the way I have perhaps always believed. I've never challenged it, I've never asked “why?” It's been my number one priority – my single pointed, mind-made Reality, and that which I have firmly believed … ¬†a pack of lies from which I have never strayed.

What I describe here is a belief system, and nothing more. Though it rules our whole life by way of the mind – it's not a bad thing, it's not a crime. Every single person has one … and that's by design. ¬†These belief systems are what we've ¬†come to Planet Earth to live out. We play them out in form, and then blame others, even to all of mankind, for the storm we create and live amidst. We persist in believing that it's happening outside of us, when, in Reality, it's clear to all who can see, that it's a web of lies we've committed to believing into physicality. ¬†We remain committed to the crazy past, and replay it yet again, as if we don't understand …. as if we are victims who played no part … when we both know, that it was what we expected and believed right from the vert start.

This production to which we are so deeply rooted consists of an unconsciously chosen cast, each ¬†hand-picked to play their part. We hand them their role; we ask them to memorize every line, and to say it right on cue, every time.¬†And because they love us, they do … even though the lines we give them often cut to our very core and prompt us to turn away. We justify our innocence and turn on them instead, and blame them for the roles we unwittingly asked them to play. After all, they were simply playing their part. Why now then do we accuse them of having no heart?

Whatever your “Bad Seed” drama is about, from the evidence you gather you will prove beyond a doubt, that you are as wrong, as lacking, as unlovable as you fear. Once again your evidence will point the finger to say,¬†“It's because you are wrong, less than, or just plain bad beyond repair; you therefore do not deserve to be loved …” What will you decide to do then? Will you drive people away, and then blame them for leaving, thinking this is the only way to be safe, without having to compromise your investment in the the lie you committed to so long ago – the lie from which you have refused to stray, no matter how many others you have betrayed, no matter how bad it hurts to go on believing,

It's as if we marry and remain forever loyal to an exceedingly unhappy way of seeing ourselves, and I think we must do so until such a time when we aim, from a happier place, to tap into an inner space from where sings a happier tune. Although perhaps barely audible, the healing tune hums unabated with a quiet certainty within the heart and mind, beneath the ruthless, much louder chatter … But we must listen … shhhh…. listen NOW for that deeper, more true, inner song … let it replace the other – let the lies be the wrong you surrender to a greater cause …. Let the seed of light that flickers within burst through the dark rich soil and reach for daylight; it's a new song about a new beginning! Tend this new song well … feed it with care … water it with gratitude and watch it send its shoots to the sky.

 

 

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