I recently uncovered a restricting story that goes; “whatever I think and experience as inspiring and helpful for me is something I'm supposed to share with others IMMEDIATELY”.
I quickly recognized that believing that thought had me feeling obligated to pass on any and every new thing I learned, whether I felt ready, or even wanted to, or not ….
“It’s what I’m supposed to do…” Not only did I think I was responsible for immediately passing these ideas on, I also believed that since these insights had been given me “for sharing” – they should flow through me effortlessly and be delivered perfectly.
There is a time that I would never have even realized that I was letting thoughts like this disturb my inner calm. That was before I learned how to follow my stressful feelings in to the underlying story.
Once I locate what I'm believing I can assess the consequences of believing it. In this case, for instance, believing that I was sort of morally responsible for reporting my growth process meant that when things didn't go as “perfectly as they should …” as occurred often, I would be angry and abusive towards myself for “failing”.
Bringing this belief out into the light of consciousness helped tremendously. What we can see clearly loses its power over us. Realizing that I was operating out of this belief, for instance assisted me in better understanding that part of me that feels driven to teach. That allowed my negative feelings of guilt and frustration to dissipate. Making it conscious allowed me to ease up on the inner assault on myself. Understanding follows. With understanding comes a growing self acceptance. Peace ensues.
In investigating this concept, I came to see that something I'd been framing as a problem was actually a grace … i.e. my desire to share what I learn immediately has actually been instrumental in taking risks that have led to new opportunities that I might not otherwise have had. As a result I have grown in ways that I would never have foreseen.
Knowing that I don't have to automatically believe what I think has set me free from feeling at the mercy of my thoughts and feelings. When a thought is causing distress I know immediate relief can be had simply by asking the right question. 🙂
Blessings, Lynne
2 Responses
Tracy, That you can recognize yourself as feeling “victimized” is the first step to freedom. That you are considering ways to reframe your thinking about feeling “victimized” puts you well on the road to freedom already! Good for you! 🙂
The remedy starts at the beginning when we are “preparing defense.” That’s the moment we move into Victim mentality. Preparing a defense indicates that we believe we are being attacked. Whatever we believe we act on.
There’s a statement that comes from “A Course in Miracles” that goes, “The best defense is NO defense!” Why? Because defense is really justification and preparation for attack. In other words, we are expecting attack and so we “prepare” for it by “putting up our dukes.” Such a response invites attack from the other, which, in turn “proves” to us that we are a victim.
Our defensive reactions come from negative thoughts/beliefs/stories that we have accepted as true. When we believe these thoughts/beliefs/stories we automatically act in ways that prove them to be true. By questioning those same thoughts/beliefs/stories we can step back from them so that we don’t have to act on them. Suspending belief in the negative thoughts/beliefs/stories makes a totally different outcome possible.
Get acquainted with Byron Katie’s “Four Question & Turn Around,” as a highly effective process to move you towards freedom.
Keep up the good work.
Blessings, Lynne
Lynne,
I had a meeting with one of my bosses over an issue i felt i was justified to defend and i collected all the facts that proved i was right.I went over the discussion we were going to have before hand and during this period i was very tensed and could not even concentrate on my work.I felt scared and i was more focused on how i was going to win my argument.Well i didn’t, and imeddiately my boss ruled against me i felt attacked…..What i felt was that the he was against me,the whole world is against me…I felt i was victimized and from then on i was unable to defend myself,so i shut down.I shifted from defense to let’s have what you have decided and move on with life end of story…
When i look back whenever anyone has critisized my work or my behaviour i always shift to being a victim and i take the person as a vilain out to get me,and maybe even call a friend and discuss how unfair the person was….I go over myself and find reasons for my victimization…..
How do you shift from feeling victimized when critisized to just focusing on the issue at hand and trying to analyze with confidence that the person in question is critisizing an aspect of my work/decision/behaviour and not attacking my self esteem or trying to humiliating me…