I recognize the law of rhythym in the form of a sort of birth/death cycle in my life. For instance, I've noticed that the late summer/fall of the year is a time when big transitions most often happen for me. It was in September of 1980 that I arrived in Chattanooga to begin a drug recovery process that changed my life direction forever. It was in October of 2000 that I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C. I've started and completed relationships in the late summer/fall etc. This fall too is turning out to be a time of transition for me. In July we were still in a process of looking for a bigger space to house a “healing arts center”. By mid August, both of my office mates (key players, I thought, in moving to a healing arts center) informed me that they needed to move. Both had understandable reasons for moving. It was obviously what they each needed to do and I wish them well. The sudden vacancy, however has caused me to realize that my plan is apparently not what the Universe has in mind for me. I've been able to get more clarity about the direction I'm being prompted towards.
For some time, I've been thinking and visualizing about ways that will provide me more time with Source, the grandchildren and my own inner process … I want to appropriately steward the work I've been “assigned” in a way that allows me to maintain a clear connection, uncluttered by my own ego's demands for notoriety or wealth. I am not interested in trying to become more of a “somebody”. Being on the mountain is where I get that feeling of intense connection, peace etc … and the internet seems to offer a great vehicle for putting the work out there in a way that leaves me least fettered to worldly demands. Is it possible the Universe is clearing the way for that to happen? It seems maybe so!
Deciding to move my daughter and the grandchildren (who are being homeschooled) into the other half of my office building rather than search out other professionals to share space with feels right. For one thing it allows more opportunity for me to be involved in the educational process for the children that Jaquetta has initiated. And who knows, she may end up “inheriting” the whole bungalow as time goes by … especially if the work makes a full time move to the mountain possible. So that is a change we are both really excited about.
It was when two of my four process groups dissolved suddenly and unexpectedly over a space of a few weeks that, I admit, the “little me” (also known as ego) had an anxiety-creating-hey-day in my head! Ego definitely has been able to “eat well” on the resistance it generated in me on this one! 🙂 Such thoughts as, “your practice is dying … you're doing something wrong … ” were common visitors in my mind.
Finally, last week I was able to feel some inner space and began to relax once again into trusting that it is all happening exactly the way it is supposed to. Shoooooh …. it's been exhausting – processing all the gristle that came up for me through these changes!
I remembered, once again, that when we are in the “dying” part of the birth/death cycle in our personal life… it feels exactly like you would expect death to feel. Something IS dying. It doesn't matter that this something has to dissolve to make way for the new. It is still unsettling to the little me who has attached meaning to it and who, in fact, may see it something essential to its' very survival!
Here's the way it seems to me. We are made up of both formless essence and physical/emotional/mental form and when something is being given up, no matter how much we understand that it needs to happen – we can expect the “little me” (our form nature) to experience all the fear/loss/anxiety that goes with surrendering something. Form life is, of course, threatened by change – change to form nature means its' demise! That's the way it is.
Feeling these uncomfortable feelings does not necessarily mean that something IS wrong. Nor is it an indication that we're not evolved enough … etc etc (one of my ego's favorite lines. :)) Learning to accept these uncomfortable feelings as simply being a part of moving through this phase of the cycle … as being what the “vibration” of the death phase feels like – allows us to align with the process of transmutation. It is part of applying our understanding of the law of rhythm to our daily life. The sooner I can accept myself for where I am the more quickly the birthing of what's next can take place.
Now that I am feeling a little more in tune with the Universal plan, I can see how beautifully all of it is unfolding. I can better appreciate the part of the cycle I'm in and see how it so beautifully demonstrates the Law of Rhythym. I can see that I am being guided to do only that which I can deliver wholeheartedly … that my life is being arranged to accomodate the vision I've had. I am once again amazed and filled with gratitude for the way I am gently and unerringly led, step by step on the road to consciousness.
Thanks for listening.