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To My Son, Upon The Occasion Of Your Death …

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To My Son, upon hearing the news of you lying in coma after a massive heart attack requiring reoccurring resuscitations, I fell to my mat in shock, and despair … and found there what I needed to move forward another day…

My son, my son, I have to let you go! How else am I going to live through the eminence of your death? I have to live on if you die and yet I can not live and give you up! And so I asked, that morning on my mat, “How can I give you up and not lose you too?

And I was shown a Way.

I was shown on the screen of my own mind my choices and where they would lead, so that I could better choose how not to lose.

I saw the dance between opposites play out In my mind, and watched the two impossible extremes turn into an acceptable, highly sacred, flow between “both and …
All in a flash I could envision your body gone, but yet YOU –  your Essence – kept alive and well. I saw me taking our relationship deep inside – to an inner room in my heart/mind – where only you abide. I could see me going there whenever I please – say every morning we might meet for tea  – and visit together – just you and me.

Or … I could go the other extreme:
I could grieve my life away. Tell myself I lost you forever … and that you were gone away to stay – or at least until some impossible future in which I could hardly believe.

I made my choice that very moment on my morning mat. I chose to believe what I am learning – may I never cease – and to live in the Reality of you and me together, become one – as we were in the beginning. Remember? When you lived inside me, but that time in my belly? 🙂

I decided that if I must give you up then I must keep you alive, in my heart this time, and not in my belly – but also in my mind. For there, in that sacred inner space, you, my precious son, can never leave me – nor I, you, for that matter. As long as we love one another, we will remain connected forever. Why wouldn't I choose that?

So I made the choice for Reality which is for Life Everlasting and there being no mistake; even our death is for our own sake. And I let you go, and it shredded my heart even as it lifted me high. I was free from the binds of a limited thought of you existing only in flesh, and opened instead to you with me forever in now.

At that precise moment you appeared. Animated and vibrant you spoke, answered my questions and validated the Truth I had chosen as the Way I want to walk.

And we shared together, and you reassured as I wept, and my eyes feasted upon the vibrant aliveness of you, as I held you close – all of this inside within my heart. My heart cracked open to become fertile ground for our love of one another, and the World  – and the knowing that It too dwells within The Mind, and as so, we are all One. Separation is a lie.

I realized at that moment, as I gazed upon you,, that wherever we go we are forever together. Wherever we are we are but a thought away from being side by side. We are One.

And then you were returned to stand in the flesh and allow me to witness your beautiful soul embodied in a body that has returned to serve. And it looks as though we may have a walk here to do together as we share our news with those who come hungry to know.

I am totally blessed by the son you are, and the master you are becoming.  I love you forever.

Mama

2 Responses

  1. To Mom who I hold so dear,
    I never knew that death was so near, nor the choices so clear. My life was taken within a blink of an eye with no remembrance that I would die but suddenly catapulted into a fast and furious tunnel of spinning towards a light, a light so bright and all encompassing. While flickers of every moment of my life recalled as if I were watching them on a movie screen floating by but, my reaching was eternally towards the light.
    I found myself in a place that I cannot describe as the warmth of love surrounded in light with every breath in pure delight. There were no boundaries or barriers, no worries or fears and no thought to the body left behind. I was free of physical limitations, pain, grief and despair and surrounded by all of those who had once cared.
    There was a tugging that it was not time to be there and suddenly I had the choice to be there or return to those who care. I rejoiced in despair as I returned to the body that I had left in others care. Upon my painful return I found myself broken and in despair and desperate to share the journey to those who may care.
    Returning to my life was a decision I had made and shall never regret. I feel honored to have returned and given a chance to serve in the thoughts of the divine love and light which is within everyone of us.
    Your Son, Andrew

  2. I am so sorry to hear of this news! My prayers are with you and your son! Bless you and thank you for your profound message, which touched me deeply.

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