Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I…
Category Archives: Rescuing others
Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty
photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can…
When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up…
Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?
photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of…
Dangers of Low Self Esteem
photo credit: Symic Low Self Esteem is dangerous, to ourselves, and to others. Low self-esteem creates a state of depletion within us that comes from years of “looking down on” ourselves, running ourselves down, and ignoring our own wants and needs. Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for “esteem,” looking to our jobs…
Learning to Love Ourselves
photo credit: aj_uva91 I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads -after all, it sounds good – but, in reality, they, like most of us, have no idea of how to go about doing it. What does it mean to “love ourselves?” To love ourselves means that…
What’s Our Responsibility And What’s Not?
photo credit: woodleywonderworks In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for. Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing: Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of…
Victimhood Is A Mental Illness
photo credit: Mark Cummins The three roles of victimhood, (persecutor, rescuer, victim) can all take a serious toll on our lives. These roles take over our minds and prompt us to act in ways that generate much unhappiness. This morning, Leon commented on my blog about a friend, a rescuer, who cannot keep a job…
Recovery From Rescuing
photo credit: alisonkanegae Family Rescuers don’t like it when other family members are angry with them. When we relate to others from a primarily rescuer role, we hate for others to think we are mean or unfair because our sense of self worth and self importance comes from having others look to and depend on…
Category Archives: Rescuing others
Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle
Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I…
Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty
photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can…
When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up…
Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?
photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of…
Dangers of Low Self Esteem
photo credit: Symic Low Self Esteem is dangerous, to ourselves, and to others. Low self-esteem creates a state of depletion within us that comes from years of “looking down on” ourselves, running ourselves down, and ignoring our own wants and needs. Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for “esteem,” looking to our jobs…
Learning to Love Ourselves
photo credit: aj_uva91 I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads -after all, it sounds good – but, in reality, they, like most of us, have no idea of how to go about doing it. What does it mean to “love ourselves?” To love ourselves means that…
What’s Our Responsibility And What’s Not?
photo credit: woodleywonderworks In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for. Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing: Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of…
Victimhood Is A Mental Illness
photo credit: Mark Cummins The three roles of victimhood, (persecutor, rescuer, victim) can all take a serious toll on our lives. These roles take over our minds and prompt us to act in ways that generate much unhappiness. This morning, Leon commented on my blog about a friend, a rescuer, who cannot keep a job…
Recovery From Rescuing
photo credit: alisonkanegae Family Rescuers don’t like it when other family members are angry with them. When we relate to others from a primarily rescuer role, we hate for others to think we are mean or unfair because our sense of self worth and self importance comes from having others look to and depend on…
Category Archives: Rescuing others
Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle
Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I…
Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty
photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can…
When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up…
Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?
photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of…
Dangers of Low Self Esteem
photo credit: Symic Low Self Esteem is dangerous, to ourselves, and to others. Low self-esteem creates a state of depletion within us that comes from years of “looking down on” ourselves, running ourselves down, and ignoring our own wants and needs. Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for “esteem,” looking to our jobs…
Learning to Love Ourselves
photo credit: aj_uva91 I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads -after all, it sounds good – but, in reality, they, like most of us, have no idea of how to go about doing it. What does it mean to “love ourselves?” To love ourselves means that…
What’s Our Responsibility And What’s Not?
photo credit: woodleywonderworks In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for. Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing: Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of…
Victimhood Is A Mental Illness
photo credit: Mark Cummins The three roles of victimhood, (persecutor, rescuer, victim) can all take a serious toll on our lives. These roles take over our minds and prompt us to act in ways that generate much unhappiness. This morning, Leon commented on my blog about a friend, a rescuer, who cannot keep a job…
Recovery From Rescuing
photo credit: alisonkanegae Family Rescuers don’t like it when other family members are angry with them. When we relate to others from a primarily rescuer role, we hate for others to think we are mean or unfair because our sense of self worth and self importance comes from having others look to and depend on…
Category Archives: Rescuing others
Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle
Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I…
Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty
photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can…
When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up…
Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?
photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of…
Dangers of Low Self Esteem
photo credit: Symic Low Self Esteem is dangerous, to ourselves, and to others. Low self-esteem creates a state of depletion within us that comes from years of “looking down on” ourselves, running ourselves down, and ignoring our own wants and needs. Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for “esteem,” looking to our jobs…
Learning to Love Ourselves
photo credit: aj_uva91 I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads -after all, it sounds good – but, in reality, they, like most of us, have no idea of how to go about doing it. What does it mean to “love ourselves?” To love ourselves means that…
What’s Our Responsibility And What’s Not?
photo credit: woodleywonderworks In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for. Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing: Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of…
Victimhood Is A Mental Illness
photo credit: Mark Cummins The three roles of victimhood, (persecutor, rescuer, victim) can all take a serious toll on our lives. These roles take over our minds and prompt us to act in ways that generate much unhappiness. This morning, Leon commented on my blog about a friend, a rescuer, who cannot keep a job…
Recovery From Rescuing
photo credit: alisonkanegae Family Rescuers don’t like it when other family members are angry with them. When we relate to others from a primarily rescuer role, we hate for others to think we are mean or unfair because our sense of self worth and self importance comes from having others look to and depend on…
Category Archives: Rescuing others
Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle
Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I…
Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty
photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can…
When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up…
Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?
photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of…
Dangers of Low Self Esteem
photo credit: Symic Low Self Esteem is dangerous, to ourselves, and to others. Low self-esteem creates a state of depletion within us that comes from years of “looking down on” ourselves, running ourselves down, and ignoring our own wants and needs. Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for “esteem,” looking to our jobs…
Learning to Love Ourselves
photo credit: aj_uva91 I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads -after all, it sounds good – but, in reality, they, like most of us, have no idea of how to go about doing it. What does it mean to “love ourselves?” To love ourselves means that…
What’s Our Responsibility And What’s Not?
photo credit: woodleywonderworks In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for. Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing: Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of…
Victimhood Is A Mental Illness
photo credit: Mark Cummins The three roles of victimhood, (persecutor, rescuer, victim) can all take a serious toll on our lives. These roles take over our minds and prompt us to act in ways that generate much unhappiness. This morning, Leon commented on my blog about a friend, a rescuer, who cannot keep a job…
Recovery From Rescuing
photo credit: alisonkanegae Family Rescuers don’t like it when other family members are angry with them. When we relate to others from a primarily rescuer role, we hate for others to think we are mean or unfair because our sense of self worth and self importance comes from having others look to and depend on…
Category Archives: Rescuing others
Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle
Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I…
Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty
photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can…
When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up…
Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?
photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of…
Dangers of Low Self Esteem
photo credit: Symic Low Self Esteem is dangerous, to ourselves, and to others. Low self-esteem creates a state of depletion within us that comes from years of “looking down on” ourselves, running ourselves down, and ignoring our own wants and needs. Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for “esteem,” looking to our jobs…
Learning to Love Ourselves
photo credit: aj_uva91 I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads -after all, it sounds good – but, in reality, they, like most of us, have no idea of how to go about doing it. What does it mean to “love ourselves?” To love ourselves means that…
What’s Our Responsibility And What’s Not?
photo credit: woodleywonderworks In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for. Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing: Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of…
Victimhood Is A Mental Illness
photo credit: Mark Cummins The three roles of victimhood, (persecutor, rescuer, victim) can all take a serious toll on our lives. These roles take over our minds and prompt us to act in ways that generate much unhappiness. This morning, Leon commented on my blog about a friend, a rescuer, who cannot keep a job…
Recovery From Rescuing
photo credit: alisonkanegae Family Rescuers don’t like it when other family members are angry with them. When we relate to others from a primarily rescuer role, we hate for others to think we are mean or unfair because our sense of self worth and self importance comes from having others look to and depend on…
Category Archives: Rescuing others
Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle
Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves? As I questioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be different, I saw how I…
Guilt Doesn’t Necessarily Mean We Are Guilty
photo credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto I’ve found that feeling guilt does not necessarily mean we are guilty! Especially when it’s the kind of guilt that comes from rescuing others. When we are in the habit of assuming responsibility for others, we feel guilty anytime we are not taking care of them. But doing for those who can…
When We Take Responsibility FOR Our Children
photo credit: Leonid Mamchenkov Understanding exactly what it means to be responsible to our children, as opposed to assuming responsibility for them, is an all important part of supporting their journey towards an independent life. Assuming responsibility for our children does not encourage their autonomy, whereas being responsible to them does. Read the follow up…
Setting Boundaries or Delivering Ultimatums?
photo credit: glockkid What’s the difference between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums? Often we believe that setting boundaries requires ultimatums. In reality, ultimatums are most often about wanting (or feeling the need) to control someone else’s behavior or attitude, often, “for their own good.” Setting boundaries, on the other hand, is about taking care of…
Dangers of Low Self Esteem
photo credit: Symic Low Self Esteem is dangerous, to ourselves, and to others. Low self-esteem creates a state of depletion within us that comes from years of “looking down on” ourselves, running ourselves down, and ignoring our own wants and needs. Such self-denigration compels us to seek outside ourselves for “esteem,” looking to our jobs…
Learning to Love Ourselves
photo credit: aj_uva91 I often talk to clients about the importance of “loving ourselves.” They often nod their heads -after all, it sounds good – but, in reality, they, like most of us, have no idea of how to go about doing it. What does it mean to “love ourselves?” To love ourselves means that…
What’s Our Responsibility And What’s Not?
photo credit: woodleywonderworks In getting off the Victim Triangle we must shift our priorities by changing our perception about who we are and are not responsible for. Below is a list of shifts that occur in our primary relationships as we recover from rescuing: Taking responsibility for ourselves becomes our number one priority regardless of…
Victimhood Is A Mental Illness
photo credit: Mark Cummins The three roles of victimhood, (persecutor, rescuer, victim) can all take a serious toll on our lives. These roles take over our minds and prompt us to act in ways that generate much unhappiness. This morning, Leon commented on my blog about a friend, a rescuer, who cannot keep a job…
Recovery From Rescuing
photo credit: alisonkanegae Family Rescuers don’t like it when other family members are angry with them. When we relate to others from a primarily rescuer role, we hate for others to think we are mean or unfair because our sense of self worth and self importance comes from having others look to and depend on…
The Three Faces of Victim
An Overview of the Drama Triangle By Lynne Forrest Whether we know it, or not, most of us react to life as victims. Whenever we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, we are unconsciously choosing to react as victim. This inevitably creates feelings of anger, fear, guilt or inadequacy and leaves us feeling betrayed, or…
Helpful Tips for Furthering Enlightenment
photo credit: lululemon athletica Here are some helpful tips for grounding and furthering your progress towards peace: 1. Start your day with a deliberate focus on aligning with Source. a. Read something inspirational to set the tone, and go, as if to a secret meeting w/ your beloved, to a private space set up somewhere…
My Limiting Story About You …
I have carried a limiting story about you. Now don’t pretend you don’t have them too – stories about the world based on often limiting judgments and assumptions about literally everything and everyone you know. This is not a good or bad thing. It’s a human thing! Creating ‘stories’ is something most all of us,…
Mind Chatter
The mind keeps us engaged with its incessant chatter. Its purpose is obvious. It must keep up a constant chattering to hold us captive in our own unique, designed-just-for-us-fear-based story. To allow any space in that mental run-on would be to risk the danger of our discovering that we are not the stressful, limiting, and exceedingly…
2012, A Year of Decision – Will We Go Forward or Back?
Happy New Year! I want to thank you, and all of my readers, for your tremendous support throughout the past year! Your responses to my blog posts, and other writings inspire me to keep writing about the principles and tools of awareness that have helped me and those around me to bring greater harmony and more peace…
Peace, Our Choice
We live in such a beautiful world, a garden of endless possibility. If we believe life is a junkyard, we get to live there. We can be the “junkyard dog!” If we believe it’s all about pomp & ceremony, we experience that, or we might choose a worldview that lands us in a cosmopolitan world…
Melodrama or A Passionate Life?
I recently listened to a friend vocalize protest against people she described as being “so melodramatic.” She said her stomach clenches whenever she gets around people who are “into drama,” and then confided to me that she had long ago decided not to live her life with dramatic display, but with introspective decorum instead. I understand. I am…
Counting Our Blessings, Christmas, 2011
I decided to share a Christmas letter with you counting blessings for 2011. May it inspire you to count your own! Greetings! I pray this letter finds you and yours enjoying a peaceful, if not joyful, season, and that you are looking forward to a bright new year! Since the holiday season is a time…
Hand in Hand With Source
During my daily practice recently I was, as I often am, visited by fears of unkind possibilities and ominous things to come. I felt the panic that comes with thinking thoughts like, “bad times are coming and I don’t think I can deal with them.” Recognizing that I was getting caught up in the fear…
How Do We Get Out Of The Victim Loop?
Recently a subscriber asked this question: “How I can be an observer of my being in observer consciousness? How can I pull back from my own observations of the manifestations of my own thought processes in order to see clearly where I am going wrong and where I can alter course to go right?? All I can see is the fog…
From “We-They” (Victim) Consciousness to Unity (Observer) Consciousness
Have you ever heard the saying, “if you spot it, you got it?” Or this one – “What we resist in others, is what persists in us?” These sayings are based on the guiding principle that teaches us that the world is a mirror. I have certainly noticed in myself, and in those around me,…
Courage and Passion Comes Only From Conviction
Our passion for something is determined by our belief, or conviction, in it. From such conviction comes courage to stand and share what we believe passionately. The rule is this: From deep conviction comes the passion for it, and out of such passion, courage is born. Or another way of saying it is this: I cannot…
Family Miracle: Teaching Children How To Embrace Reality
I got to witness a miracle of the very best kind this past weekend! The very best kind of miracle, to my way of thinking anyway, is one that brings about healing transformation for whole family’s at a time, and that’s just what I had the opportunity to witness during our recent “Victim-Free Parenting” Workshop…
Victim or Victor?
It’s quite natural for us to assume that the opposite of victim is victor. In reality, however, the role of victor is just another stop on the victim triangle on its way to victim. The “victor” may stand with a conquering foot planted firmly on their victim, loudly proclaiming victory; however they are still at…
Why was I born into a dysfunctional family?
It is not by accident that we are born into our particular family. I believe that each of us is born into a family that uniquely matches our own vibrational frequency at the time of our birth – not because we are being punished, not to pay back some old karmic debt necessarily, but because that…
Dying to Live
When Rabbi Birnham lay dying, his wife burst into tears. He said, ’Why are you crying? My whole life was only that I might learn how to die.’ —Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh; “The Art of Dying” Describing death as a friendly force goes against the grain of our cultural conditioning. We have been taught to see…
Co-Creative Communication
Open communication is an essential part of maintaining any relationship and yet these skills are rarely taught outside the walls of a counselor’s office. Most of us don’t even know the components of good communication. Positive dialogue includes the ability to both share truthfully and listen openly, but we must first know ourselves before we…
The Truth About The Truth
The national drama around the impeachment and trial of our last President should have given us a moment’s pause. Not only because we voted for a dishonest man for President, but also because of what it brought to light regarding our assumptions about telling the truth. Indeed, as news reporters polled public opinion, people from…
Parenting
Often we tend to think, that as parents, our job is to protect our offspring from experiencing pain. Naturally we want them to have only positive life experiences. However, this is often not realistic. Even if we were able to micro-manage our childrens lives and so prevent them from hardship, we wouldn’t be doing them…
An In-Body Experience
For many years I sought ways to access “out of body” experiences. I had the idea that the way to gain enlightenment was by somehow shedding as much of my physical as possible. I grew up in a generation where “out of body” experiences were highly touted as being the gateway to higher planes. Hence…
The Dark Twin Within
I once observed that my biggest problem is my mouth — what I put in it and what comes out of it. If I could just bring that organ under control, I’d be in good shape. An old mentor used to remind me to listen to what I was saying. “You’re telling on yourself all…
