Victim consciousness is the number one addiction that underlies all addictions … which may at least partially explain why it is so hard for some of us to take space from those who abuse us.
We are commonly addicted to being on the victim triangle with one another; we are addicted to rescuing (trying to control their outcomes), and persecuting others (when they don’t coöperate). We see others as victims that need us. And then we feel victimized by them when they don’t utilize or appreciate our help. We want to get even with them, or ‘show them’ when they don’t go along with our plan.
In other words, our whole relationship with many of the people in our lives takes place on the victim triangle where we are addicted to our dysfunctional roles with one another. And as is true with all addictions, we suffer painful consequences as a result.
Self-responsibility is the key to healthier functioning. Self-responsibility means that we stop blaming others for our problems, and our unhappiness. But it does not mean that we then turn the blame onto ourselves! That does not help — but only serves to drive us deeper into denial of our part.
To move out of our addiction to victim we must recognize our own limiting mind-set that keeps us there. We come to see that the things we accuse others of are the things we have not forgiven ourselves for. We take responsibility for coming into a kinder relationship with ourselves. Self-responsibility means self-acceptance which can only come about as we see clearly how it is that our own thoughts are what holds us prisoner in victim — NOT the world at large.