Persecuting ourselves on the victim triangle

Hope­fully we are grow­ing in aware­ness of how we play out the vic­tim tri­an­gle in our rela­tion­ship with oth­ers. But are we as aware of how we play out the vic­tim tri­an­gle inter­nally with ourselves?

As I ques­tioned who I become when I believe the thought that I should be dif­fer­ent, I saw how I move through all three roles on the vic­tim tri­an­gle in relat­ing to myself

The very thought, “I should be dif­fer­ent than I am” is a way of per­se­cut­ing myself. With tht thought comes the impli­ca­tion that who I am is not good enough or that there is some­thing wrong with me. Hurl­ing unkind accu­sa­tions at myself of not being good enough, of being a fail­ure, of being unac­cept­able to Source, is me as per­se­cu­tor on the tri­an­gle and leaves me feel­ing beat down and vic­tim­ized by my own men­tal cruelty.

Imme­di­ately, auto­mat­i­cally, as soon as I per­se­cute by accus­ing and belit­tling myself, I become my own victim.

As a vic­tim of myself I suf­fer and eagerly seek relief. I long to escape from my own unkind­ness. I am in need of a res­cue. And so I look for ways to res­cue myself.

Usu­ally my self-rescue comes in one of two ways: either I adopt a rig­or­ous self-improvement scheme, designed to “fix me,” and bring me up to code, OR, (usu­ally when that fails to work) I fall com­pletely off the “self-refinement wagon” and resort to the prac­tice of some kind of mind-numbing activ­ity, or habit, like binge­ing on sweets, or going on a shop­ping spree, or, in times past, by using alco­hol or drugs to ease the pain caused by my own relent­less tirade against myself.

When all else fails I resort to res­cu­ing me by per­se­cut­ing you. I project my faults and all the things I find unac­cept­able about me onto you and then berate you for them! That way, it not only takes the heat off of me, it also leaves me feel­ing supe­rior to you. Ahhhh … the bit­ter sweet­ness of such a rescue!

The truth may very well be that all vic­tim tri­an­gles start at home; they orig­i­nate within our own minds by the way we treat our­selves. There­fore self-forgiveness is essen­tial if we are ever to escape vic­tim consciousness.

Read my book, Guid­ing Prin­ci­ples For Life Beyond Vic­tim Con­scious­ness for detailed instruc­tion on mov­ing off the vic­tim triangle.

Bless­ings, Lynne


  1. claire says

    I believe I am start­ing to con­nect with the “Vic­tim Tri­an­gle”. I have a lot of work to do to get to the “real knowl­edge” I hope the search doesn’t become addic­tive. Must get away from the “machine”

  2. Kate says

    I believe it takes time to see that our lives have been “veiled” by this Lie from the begin­ning and that we have swal­lowed it hook line and sinker quite uncon­sciously. Every­thing and any­one who touched us from the moment we came out of our mother’s womb has been con­t­a­m­i­nated by it. When one real­izes how per­va­sive it is, I believe then at this time of real­iza­tion we begin our detach­ment from it by exer­cis­ing our free will/choice of believ­ing the Truth — that we have been stamped “approved” and never ever to be seen again as any­thing less.

  3. says

    Thanks for shar­ing this pro­found insight, Lynne. It is eas­ier to be aware of the per­se­cu­tion tri­an­gle when it involves more than one per­son. We see the inter­play of our­selves with oth­ers. We see the inter­play of oth­ers react­ing amongst them. Now, with your under­stand­ing of inner explo­ration and human nature, we can apply another per­spec­tive to the Vic­tim Tri­an­gle – our­selves! There are dif­fer­ent degrees of “beat­ing up one­self”. It is all about wit­ness­ing – our­selves, our actions, our thoughts, our reac­tions. When we travel deep enough into the Abyss to explore all aspects of self, we dance with who we are not to dis­cover who we really are: Self…Soul…and when we KNOW that…we feel on a cel­lu­lar level – in every part of us – that yes, we are good enough.

  4. says

    Hello Ruthie, Yes, and that which “is seek­ing to devour“us, that you call here “the enemy,” is none other than our own wounded self, or what I call our “vic­tim ego” that orig­i­nates from the col­lec­tion of dis­torted ideas about our­selves and the world that we adopt in child­hood and fol­low blindly.

    To see it oth­er­wise is to feel at the mercy of it and there­fore vic­tim to it and only per­pet­u­ates the vic­tim tri­an­gle.

  5. Ruthie says

    Inter­est­ing new rev­e­la­tion regard­ing the vic­tim tri­an­gle. I have found that the enemy who is respon­si­ble for the inter­nal ver­bal assaults, speaks to us in our own voices. Oth­er­wise, we could quickly dis­miss it and move on. Crafty and decep­tive is he that is seek­ing to devour!

  6. Kate says

    That lie from the gar­den — “You’re not good enough”- will try and trip us up in such a myr­iad of ways. And the One Who knit these hearts of ours together says to us, “Who told you that you are naked and should feel ashamed?” comes to remind us and remove the veil of that Lie from our eyes telling us once more, ” I made you in My image!”. I am see­ing more clearly than ever that believ­ing the Lie keeps us on the tri­an­gle. It is what gives the roles on the tri­an­gle fod­der to live.

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