Hopefully we are growing in awareness of how we play out the victim triangle in our relationship with others. But are we as aware of how we play out the victim triangle internally with ourselves?
The very thought, “I should be different than I am” is a way of persecuting myself. With tht thought comes the implication that who I am is not good enough or that there is something wrong with me. Hurling unkind accusations at myself of not being good enough, of being a failure, of being unacceptable to Source, is me as persecutor on the triangle and leaves me feeling beat down and victimized by my own mental cruelty.
Immediately, automatically, as soon as I persecute by accusing and belittling myself, I become my own victim.
As a victim of myself I suffer and eagerly seek relief. I long to escape from my own unkindness. I am in need of a rescue. And so I look for ways to rescue myself.
Usually my self-rescue comes in one of two ways: either I adopt a rigorous self-improvement scheme, designed to “fix me,” and bring me up to code, OR, (usually when that fails to work) I fall completely off the “self-refinement wagon” and resort to the practice of some kind of mind-numbing activity, or habit, like bingeing on sweets, or going on a shopping spree, or, in times past, by using alcohol or drugs to ease the pain caused by my own relentless tirade against myself.
When all else fails I resort to rescuing me by persecuting you. I project my faults and all the things I find unacceptable about me onto you and then berate you for them! That way, it not only takes the heat off of me, it also leaves me feeling superior to you. Ahhhh … the bitter sweetness of such a rescue!
The truth may very well be that all victim triangles start at home; they originate within our own minds by the way we treat ourselves. Therefore self-forgiveness is essential if we are ever to escape victim consciousness.
Read my book, Guiding Principles For Life Beyond Victim Consciousness for detailed instruction on moving off the victim triangle.