Welcome to my blog … you are welcome to read along as I share stories of life and consciousness unfolding.
It seems appropriate that I would start today, Feb. 26th 2007 … since it is mine and Daniel’s 13th anniversary as a couple. He is such a big part of my consciousness journey. I see relationship as a sacred path designed to shape and evolve us, as individuals and life partners. Being in relationship has been a primary growing medium for me; it accelerates growth by bringing my “stuff” quickly to the surface. For me, nothing has inspired, rewarded or challenged me more than living in intimate contact with another. It’s a beautiful path and I’m grateful to have Daniel to walk with me on it.
In relationship, we inevitably end up stepping on toes and/or feeling run over by the other. I’ve noticed that these are often the times that have motivated me to make changes I would not otherwise have even considered. Daniel has mirrored aspects of my self to me that I might never have discovered otherwise. Certainly relating with Daniel brings rich gifts and deep learning encounters. I continue to learn from such happenings long after they’ve occurred… everytime I reflect upon one for the purpose of seeing Reality, I gain a deeper Understanding of Life.
I find it helps to see hardship and challenge as opportunities for increased consciousness instead. Negative thinking creates mental and emotional resistance that we experience as pain. But resistance or pain can play an important part in fostering consciousness too … because it points out my stuck patterns and shows up my distorted thoughts. These thoughts, which have become hard-core beliefs about self and the world, have been made valid through repetition. That’s right … simply repeating the same insane thing to myself over and over for years got me believing these self-told lies so thoroughly that I still sometimes act like they’re true! And what’s more, when I act as if these old stories are real, the world immediately reflects the ways that prove to me that I’m right! — that what I believe IS true. It’s amazing to watch this happen over and again now that I’ve caught on to how it works.
This is a story about who “me” is and how the world is and who you are to me. It’s a story that I’m addicted to believing, even as distorted and misery-making as it is. There are three ingredients involved in the make up of my “me” story (also called ego). First, ingredient is a long, consciously forgotten, but painful emotional imprint or “wound”. The second ingredient is the actual mental fabrication (the story) that I made up as a child about the wound and what it means, and the third ingredient is the defenses that were created to protect “me”. My ego runs me often. It’s primary fuel is resistance.
And what is resistance? It’s any thought or reaction that creates inner disharmony (resentment, guilt, judgment, anxiety, even self-righteousness). The unhappy feelings are generated when the old stories are being mentally run. Knowing this has allowed me to start seeing the internal stress as a finger pointing to where I’m stuck in the old story. Rather than looking outside of myself for a “fix”, I practice following feelings of discomfort in, turning my attention to the inner reality in order to find resolution. In other words, when I have a negative reaction, I know it’s about me! Every time.
That may sound harsh, but I find that it really is good news. It makes me a causative factor rather than a victim of life circumstances. Besides, it’s wonderful to recognize that the world around me is simply a big wondrous mirror, designed to perfectly reflect to me, my internal state.
You will find posted here ongoing experiences in the process of self-awareness — a journey in thought unfolding that may vary widely from entry to entry. Whatever is “up” for me when I sit down to blog might well find itself exposed in these pages. So thank you for visiting … take what fits and leave your thoughts and comments too … I welcome them.